ISSUE 001 December 1790 - The Great Fire
Tyler Brock, son of an small opium trader and pressed aboard the Sheik Yassouf in Shanghai, stood at her lee railing as she was going up the Thames towards London - and couldn’t believe his eyes. The whole city seemed to be engulfed in an extremely thick fog – a real peasouper. At first Tyler made light of it and told Private (RM) John Doe jokingly that he believed the captain had tripped over the longitude, smashed both clocks as well as his sextant, and had in fact brought them back to India – and in the middle of the monsoon season, to! Until they noticed the warmth emanating from the billowing whiteness. And the fact that most houses, if you got a glimpse of them, seemed to have no roofs. Besides, they looked even more dirty than usual. Downright sooty, if you came to think of it. Which observation would, after a second glance, turn out to be entirely correct, and it earned Tyler a Purser’s billet (Master’s Mate). John was unofficially rebuked for “credulity unbecoming a Royal Marine”.
In fact, London had just been gutted by the second worst fire in its entire history. It had started on Boxing Day during the King’s Salute, through a combination of bad luck and carelessness. To be more precise, a careless gunner on Halcyon had overcharged an old gun, and upon firing the gun had exploded, setting fire to the ship’s sails (which were hung out to dry) and a burnung piece of cloth fell down the hatch onto a heap of straw (bedding for the ship’s lifestock). From there, the fire soon reached the ship’s magazine, and the ensuing explosion ripped a hole twixt wind and water onher larboard side where she moored against the quai. Quantities of water poured in, causing the Halcyon to list severely and her main mast went overboard – straight onto the thatch roof of the “Saracen’s Head”. Before anybody on board had so much as shouted “Fire!” three adjacent roofs had developed a bad case of measles ... well, orange-red splotches at least ... and the rest was inevitable.
True, the Tower still stood, the Royal family was safe, and so (presumably) were the Crown jewels. But the Admiralty was gone, and Whitehall was a ness. By a niracle, Downing Street had remained intact. The House of Parliament was smoking, but seemed to have survived. Westminster Abbey didn’t have a scratch. Part of Horse Guards was still standing. So was the Fish&Chips stall at its northern tip. But The Birdwalk has suffered cruelly ... and so had most other landmarks.
Many leading figures of government and of the Navy had perished in the flames, including the First Sea Lord, all Admirals and two Vice Admirals, all of whom had attended a briefing by the Head of Naval Intelligence, Sir Quincy Quango. Fortunately for the service Sir Rodney and Sir Louis ( Vice Admiral Battersea of the White and Vice Admiral Beanpole of the Red) had left the building during a coffee break and had escaped by way of Hyde Park. However, a number of lesser officers (captains and lieutenants) had been assembled at the Admiralty for the court-martial of Captain X (since he is now dead, we will not reveal his name – de mortuis nil nisi bene). Once the alarm was out quite a number of them had tried to get to their ships, but the fire overtook them in the narrow streets of the Savoy Liberties. And gone was the great victualling depot in Chatham and the shipyards along the river bank.
As for the ships anchored in the Pool, they didn’t really stand much of a chance. On the Halcyon things happened so fast, only half a dozen got away with their life (including the ship’s cat), despite the fact that most of her people had been on deck. Ferocious had been moored ahead of the unlucky Halcyon and now became the victim of a freak gust which had burst through her open stern cabin windows and blazed right along her gun deck (the ship being cleared for action and all bulkheads struck), causing the powder in her guns to ignite at once. More quick-witted than most, her first Lieutenant led a party to the forecastle and they managed to hack through the anchor cables, but not to raise sail. This caused her to drift downstream, straight onto a sandbank in the middle of the river. On Indomitable and Jupiter most officers had attended a court martial at the Admiralty and although they immediately hurried back they found the way was already blocked by a number of burnung houses in the liberties of the Savoy (very narrow streets, and straw-thatched houses). Most of the crew had been ashore as well, and although the watch on board had done everything they could to save their ship, the intense heat had forced them to jump overboard and both vessels had blown up later on. The Waakzamheit had tried a desperate maneouvre to slip past the burning Ferocious, but a sudden squall made her lean over and her sails had caught fire. Bellerophon’s captain had even tried to have his ship towed upstream, and his men had plied the oars until their hands were bleeding, but to no avail.Other ships were more lucky. On the Droits de L’Homme Private (RM) Johnny Albytross has noticed the distant flash and had run down to open the ship’s flooding valves. Half an hour later the ship had settled nicely on the river’s bottom, awash to the gunwale, all masts struck down and the deck sanded and wetted. For his quick thinking JA was promoted to Subaltern, but a stern reprimand from the Victualling Board robbed him of any chance of a MiD or monetary gain, seeing that the Droits de L’Homme had been fitting out to go far foreign and had just completed her cargo.
Two miles downriver from the Droits de L’Homme the Fiddler’s Green was still moving sluggishly upriver against the making ebb towards her mooring place when her carpenter, a Jerseyman called Puisee D‘Assinute burst into the great cabin with the news that half of London was on fire. Captain Doldrums immediately gave orders to clubhaul the ship and the Sheik Yassouf responded well, glad to exchange a dying breeze for the power of ther river carrying her downstream and out of harm’s way. In his report Captain Doldrum made little of the incident, but he did duggest that PDA should be promoted. And since a captain can do as he likes in many ways, he got a commission (to be confirmed by the Lords of the Admiralty at their leisure) and had his sea chest moved into the young gentlemen‘s messroom.
Nexdt day, he had went to aboard the Swiftsure and to relate the incident to his particular friend Guy Sandolls, one of her new crop of midshipmen (provisionally commissioned for his excellent performance during beever-time and while skylarking. “Bumpers!” cried GS and sent the gunroom steward for more wine. “Three times Three!” and “Wives and Sweethearts (and may the twain never meet)!” followed in rapid succession – but that proved PDA’s undoing. When he regained consciousness he was in his own hammock aboard the Sheik Yassouf and none the wiser how he got there.
Nor was he the only one to suffer from seasickness. Young Andrew Goodman aboard the Belle Poule had a particularly bad dose of Neptun’s curse and although the ship had the wind on her quarter and was moving nicely along under reefed topsails and topgallants he frequently had to get up from where he sat in order to “feede the fishes” as his sea-daddy put it. Teaching a youngster to not just to splice a rope but to adorn a rope’send with a handsome Matthew Walker was John Dory’s speciality.And in AG he had a very attentive pupil. Nothing is secret for long in a ship and Andrew was called into the great cabin. He returned still holding the rope, but his other hand now held a crackling piece of paper – his commission as a midshipman.Last but not least, man-about-town Fernando Ferghoot made an audible splash when he plunged for Miss Pamela Huntingdown-Jones. The lovely Pam played hard to get for a while, but when Fernando hired a Gypsie band and arrived himself in a chaise and four to croon under her window Pam couldn’t resist joining him in the refrain “... saying something stupid like I love you!!”. Then she jumped out of her first floor window straight into Fernando’s arms (with a rose clenched between her teeth) and they went off to spend Christmas at Fernando’s place in the Country.
(X001) Gentlemen of London, I give you greetings. I am recently arrived in this fair city, the very Heart of what makes England great. I am seeking adventure and excitement, after all one can only enjoy wealth if one has had a chance to experience deprivation and hardship, but I will draw the line at digging the weavils out of biscuits !!! Does anyone have any suggestion of how I can best spend my time or how to entertain myself and all the new friends I expect to make very quickly ?Yours X001
(sorry, didn’t have time to pick a name yet)
(FF) Any common man who wishes my friendship and my invitation to the Dolphin club will do me a silvery favor!
Soddin‘ aristo! Anybody invented lamp posts yet?
(TB) Aye Mates, Lets have a drink! As we seem to be the first couple heroes to defend our beloved King, we should get together for a little party. To start with a good example and maybe get the nobleman in our midst to follow it, I invite everyone in our favorite club "The Pit" in the second week of January for a nice mug of rum. Bring your ladies along.
To avoid any unpleasantness around The Pit (more than the usual at least) the Riff Raff from the Jupiter and Bellerophon is asked to leave their sorry butt at home.Tyler Brock
The Pit will be closed for repairs for a while. There isn’t half a pint of the stuff left in London!The Management
None this month!
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