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T 'was a dark and stormy night “Ahhh ...!” The First Lord sat up in his bed. Sweat covered his face, and his eyes roamed wildly about the room. Yes, this was his own bedroom, with his great-grandfather‘s mahogany wardrobe on the left side of the door and the full-length mirror next to it. It had all been a dream ...!

But in his bones he still felt the chill of that dark and dimly glimpsed place, like the great hall of an ancient feudal mansion. There had been a massive chimney place and a fire in the grate, but neither the fire nor the small pool of brilliant light surrounding the gaming table had done much to illuminate the rest of the room that stretched away in every direction in somber silence. He seemed to recall some weapons and a huge picture on the wall nearest the table, a suit of armour or two, and shadowy banners hanging from the raftered ceiling far overhead. But he had to admit that his attention had been all taken up by The Lady – and the game of Écarté they had played. Only one game. She had dealt the cards, of course, with swift, practised movements, turning up a small diamond. His hand included the queen and knave of trumps, king, queen and ace of spades. A hand good enough to play at any time without proposing. He had led with the king of spades ...

... and the wind had veered NE to allow HMS Ferocious , HMS Waakzamheit , HMS Mars and HMS Halcyon to leave Portsmouth, cramming on sail in order not to miss the appointed rendezvous: 54°North 5°West, no later than April 10 th . Their destination turned out to be a small island just off the French coast and well suited as a place to watch foe ships steeling foe Brest harbour. The squadron had anchored close to the island's west coast in reverse order of precedence – HMS Mars to leeward, HMS Waakzamheit in the middle, and HMS Ferocious to windward. Her 2 nd lieutenant TB had remarked earlier that a good man with a powerful looking glass perched on top of the islands hillside would be able to see any ships in time for the squadron to get ready and this eminently valuable suggestion duly earned him his step (promotion to Master & Commander) and a ride in the Admialty cutter to his new command, HMS Salisbury as well as a purse of 300 Guineas. Nor was a ship long in coming – two days later, the cry of “Sail ho!” reported a French frigate, La Reine Charlotte of 74 guns, accompanied by several smaller crafts. She immediately abandoned her companions and made straight for HMS Ferocious , obviously intent to tackle the biggest obstacle to her safe homecoming first. But she was unlucky in that the first broadside badly damaged her rudder, which forced her to put before the wind and thus present her vulnerable stern to the pursuing ship. Three more broadsides in swift succession (HMS Ferocious having an unusually well-trained crew) smashed though her cabin windows and ripped along her gun decks, spreading death and destruction wherever they went. Realizing she could not run, La Reine Charlotte threw out a makeshift anchor and tried to turn and fight, but before she could fire her second round HMS Ferocious was upon her. DD himself hauled down her flag and was rewarded with a stunning purse of 1,000 Guineas, while her captain had to be contend with half that sum (and being mentioned in the Gazette).

The Fist Sea Lord blindly groped for the water carafe on his bedside table and gulped down half its content. His king had captured a small spade, and since his opponent had not marked the king of trumps he had led his queen ... only to see it fall to the masked king! How he could have fallen into such an elementary trap, the Sea Lord wondered, while The Lady led a small club, which forced his knave of trumps ...

... and HMS Waakzamheit and HMS Mars swooped down on the lesser craft and secured them without much trouble. Poor JS – when he heard about the opportunity he had missed he would probably curse every second he had spent during the previous month peppering the Admiralty with missives (taken ashore by obliging fishermen while contrary winds prevented HMS Waakzamheit to reach Portsmouth) demanding a new command – a bigger ship, a better crew, and orders more suited to his temperament. Their Lordship had been reluctant to fall in with his ideas until he had emitted a small stream of gold (the sinews of war) and thus gotten his wish. An Admiralty cutter had taken him off HMS Waakzamheit and back to London, where he would take charge of HMS Richard Lionheart . With JS gone command had devolved upon the shoulders of MW but he handled the situation well enough and earned himself a glowing letter of recommendation as well as a purse of 450 Guineas. MAD didn't do badly either, filling his pocket with some 200 Guineas. However, this unaccustomed weight caused him to list noticeably to one side and the purser had to issue him with another 200 guineas to restore his equilibrium! Meanwhile, a mutiny had broken out aboard HMS Mars and her Captain of Marines got killed trying to arrest the ringleaders (a purse of 400 guineas to his widow). This bloody deed seemed to have reminded some of the more level-headed members of the ship's company that the only reward a mutineer can look forward to is a dance with the hangman's daughter ... and when JF quietly suggested that the Captain's death would be entered in the ship's log as an unlucky accident if they would return to their duty they agreed at once. However, this interlude had taken up enough time to prevent HMS Mars taking an active role in the proceedings. Her place was taken by HMS Halcyon , whose captain espied a craft far off (her mast tops just nicking the horizon) and immediately set of in pursuit. She turned out to be another victim of La Reine Charlotte , a Far East merchant captured two month ago. The East India Company did send a handsome purse of 700 guineas, to which a grateful monarch added a patent of nobility, because the Guineaman had carried a set of forty matched diamonds destined for the Queen's new tiara. “Arise, Sir Ennsix ...!”.

The First Sea Lord shuddered. The loss of the ship (and the diamonds) had been observed by a friendly Arab prince cruising in the Indian ocean, who had made for the next harbour with commendable if completely un-oriental dispatch. From there, a messenger on a thoroughbred racing camel had carried the news overland to Cairo, where the CinC of the Mediterranean fleet just happened to pay a visit to Oman Pasha ... but it had been a close-run thing nevertheless! So much might have gone wrong - as it had in the game, where his queen of spades had been roughed by a small trump ...

... and the captain of the Royal yacht HMS Britannia rashly challenged the ships of the blockade squadron to a race. The ships would assemble at the starting point marked by HMS Droits de l'Homme , and Queen Victoria Zephyra herself would light the rocket giving the starting signal! The distance was nearly ninety sea miles - Ushant to Scilly (where the chairman of the East India Company abroad his own yacht would note down the arrivals) and back!

T he ships duly met at the appointed time and place, and the wind, for once, stood fair. Queen Victoria Zephyra was observed to chat gaily with her entourage, obviously not afflicted by seasickness (unlike some of her ladies). The rocket went off without a hitch and the race was on! As one would expect from so fine a vessel, HMS Britannia cracked on and sail after sail appeared on her masts. The last glimpse through a powerful glass showed her well in the lead, followed by HMS Swordfish and HMS Sauve Qui Peut . But “...there's many a slip ‚tween the cup and the lip” and the old adage had never proved tmore true. Fist to bring news was HMS Sheik Yassouf and the news was not good – the captain of HMS Britannia had rashly decided to shift his starboard guns to larboard in order to balance her trim, but a sudden squall had laid her over and two of her 24-pounders (for she carried her full armament despite the fact that she was a craft designed for pleasant outings) had plunged down a hatch and clear through her bottom! Although her people had tried everything, she had been on the point of sinking when HMS Sauve Qui Peut had voluntarily dropped out of the race in order to render what help she might (never was a ship more aptly named). Like everybody else, Queen Victoria Zephya was stunned by the loss of her yacht, but she immediately agreed that such a noble deed should be rewarded by a patent of nobility ... “Arise, Sir N6!”. The captain of HMS Sheik Yassouf also remarked that if he were a betting man his money would be on HMS Salisbury – and he was proved right. Apparently, AG had husbanded his ship's strength and had taken the precaution of rigging preventer stays (disgraceful, ugly things to the nautical mind, but oh so useful when it is blowing a bit) and she fairly ate the wind out of HMS Swordfish when she crammed on all her auxiliary sails during the final dash towards the finish line. AG received 1,000 guineas but the queen was clearly still upset by the race's outcome and paid no heed to the clamour from her entourage that such a gallant officer should be ennobled. Thus AG for the second time missed having his secret ambition full filled. Nor was he the only one. The Lady dealt harsly with: The master of HMS Swordfish, who had displayed uncommon good seamanship throughout the race (apart from the fatal error that a ship had to look good as well as sail fast, which had prevented him from following AG's example) was neither mentioned nor rewarded for his efforts – unlike his 1 st lieutenant, who had spent most of the time with his girl in the cable tiers, doing things that elicited giggles, squeals and little moaning sounds in turn ... and who received a glowing mention in the Gazette.

“ There's a jinxed ship!” The First Sea Lord thought, and shuddered again. He felt just like he had felt when The Lady had player her last card – a small club, which was naturally good. This gave her the trick and since he had not proposed she scored doubly ...

... and aboard EIC La Poubelle, at anchor in the Bay of Natal, a midshipman missed his footing on the main topgallants yard and plunged straight into the sea – right on top of a big, ugly shark! The accident was duly reported to RTM (who kept the ship's log) and to her captain when they returned from “a little business trip” just before dinner. They had been successful in selling coloured beads to the natives in exchange for gold dust, ivory, and other things much in demand in the London shops. The captain of EIC La Poubelle was confident he could clear an even 1,000 guineas from this venture alone and assured RTM that he was likely to make 900 guineas for himself, but it was noted throughout the ship that both men showed a marked lack of appetite during dinner. The next morning, the captain of EIC La Poubelle conferred at length with her purser and the sum of 400 guineas was set aside for the unlucky midshipman's relatives.

Issue 14 Your Reporter – T.

London was again a hive of social activity with many parties also a gambling night at Red Coats. However I digress on with the news…

The first week of the month saw all available men not busy doing their duty to His Majesty's Forces making their way to Red Coats to a gambling night, organised by Jonah Albytross. All the gamblers duly turned up and made their way to bar where they ordered drinks and cigars for those who smoked them. Those attending were Wayne Kin-Madely, Josiah W. Kerr and Gwendolyn, Pavel Pipovitch and Alice, John O'Groats, Wesley Silver, Tom O'Malley and Pete Cunning.

After JA was sure every one was there who wanted to be there he announced the gambling would be begin. Pausing only to remove his coat and place what can only be described as a peaked cap, but with no hat part on his head and add some sort of silver straps around his arms (he later told me these where to keep his sleeves up!!). The gambling began and they all placed their bets, some placing larger wagers than others (hoping no doubt to make a massive killing on the tables)

The first bet (of four) saw WKM, PP, JOG, and JWK all win while TOM, PC, WS and JWK lost. This was enough for TOM and PC who contented them selves to stand and watch, while PP decided it was better to quit while ahead and retired to the bar with Alice only returning for the last throw of the dice to watch.

The second bet saw JOG, WS win while JWK and WKM lost. JOG appeared to be on a roll and put another bet down smiling confidently. WS decided it was time to cut and run and joined PP, PC and TOM in watching.

The third bet saw JWK win and WKM and JOG lose. JOG having had the smile wiped off his face collected all his winnings and went to get a drink.

This left JWK and WKM against the house (JA) the dice was rolled and…….both, WKM and JWK lost. Thus the end of a good nights gambling (for some any way) ended and all retired to the bar and talked the rest of the night away. Some of the talk centred on next weeks social event “An Audience with Jock” and possible questions.

The second week of the month saw The Pitt once again the centre of attention as all converged on this now famous (but slightly run down) establishment. Those in attendance where : Wayne Kin-Madley , Josiah W. Kerr and Gwendolyn , Wesley Silver, Pavel Popovitch and Alice, Jonah Albytross and Agnes, Thomas O'Malley and Pete Cunning

John O'Groats and Diana where at the door to meet every one, Diana presenting all the men with a complementary drink, while John, ever dashing presented the Ladies with a rose. The Pitt was arranged with Jock sat a table and all the chairs in rows facing him, on his table was a pitcher with (what I am assured was water) and a tankard. Every one filed in and took a seat, Pavel sitting near the back so as to not bother the Ladies present with his smoking. Once every one was ready JOG asked for the first question which came from WKM who asked Jock “so how many times a week, on average, do you feel doomed?" Jock thought for a while and said: “ well in London possibly 2 or 3 times a week, but when at sea more like once a day till we reach port, more if John is with me” this answer raised a little laughter from those present. Next was JA who asked "What do the folks back in Scotland think of your new celebrity status and how do you think you will be treated when you return?" Jock looked a little uncomfortable at this question and answered “ I don't think I would want them to know, I left under difficult circumstances, however I am sure my family would be proud as punch to know I was mixing with the rich and famous of London ” More laughter from the crowd and a few whispers as people asked each other what could have been the circumstance of Jocks leaving Scotland? Next was Pavels question from the back of the Pitt: “ Jock, sadly I did not read the older Gazettes so I am not able to form a question regarding to your glorious journey, but there is one question:“Have you seen the famous Sadus, who are relying upon contributions, steadily sweeping their way to prevent to offend little animals like ants, who are naked and treated like saints. And additionally have you seen female Sadus?" (The second question with a smile) Jock looked baffled and looked around seeing a few smiles from the audience. “ I dunno what yea are on about but if that is English taking the Michael I'll be avin yea outside smartish! And then we'll see whose doomed ” he replied with an angry look. Pavel replied that he meant no offence and would explain later over a drink, at which Jock looked happier. That being the only questions being asked JOG quickly ordered another round of free drinks for every one and asked for some music to be played. Some time later PP was seen to talking to Jock and then both of them shook hands, which appeared to resolve the matter of the supposed insult! At the end of the night JOG announced the winner of the best question, surprisingly it went to Pavel, because “ I for one would also like to know what the question was about and that's worth a 100 guineas of my money ” to which the rest of the Pitt agreed, unfortunately Pavel did not enlighten us any further…..

Again the social scene centred on the Pitt in week three and this time it was a fancy dress ball, with the theme being animals. Once again it was John O'Groats who was picking up the tab. JOG and Diana were ready and waiting at the door with drinks for all as they entered. Diana was resplendent as a beautiful white swan, whilst John was a magnificent falcon, John had already said himself and Diana would not be in the competition for the best dressed animal. First to arrive was Wayne Kin-Madely with Emma, who both turned up as elves, John pointed out it was animals but said they could come in any way because their costumes were so beautiful. WKM explained to JOG that "I wanted to start with a little Goblin, but this is as far as she would go!" at which Emma went bright red and kicked him on the shin, they both walked off to the bar, well limped in WKM's case! Next was Josiah W. Kerr in a magnificent Unicorns costume who said to John in private “ he always had the horn! " Sophie his Lady was dressed as a beautiful panther, in a deep black velvet costume, John and Diana both thought she looked stunning. Next was Wesley Silver and Sue both wearing complimentary costumes, him as a Cockerel and she as a beautiful Chicken, John made some Joke about her being called Chicken Sue, (Chicken Stew) but it fell on deaf ears as Sue looked at him blankly. Moving along, next was Pavel and Alice, Pavel was dressed as a Green frog and Alice as a Elfin Princess John muttered something about not knowing if Elf's or Elves were actually animals? Next came 3 all at once on their own, Jonah Albytross, Thomas O'Malley and Pete Cunning. Jonah as a Turtle, Tom as a large old elephant, whilst Pete came as a Tiger. All three were thanked for turning up and adding to the atmosphere. John was just about to join the rest of the party when a strange creature appeared at the door and muttered some thing. It spoke again and still John could not understand it. Eventually all was revealed when the “ thing” pulled off its head (?) and there was Jock. He said “ I said I am a Haggis ” John replied “ I did not think it was an animal, merely a meal? ” Jock replied “ of course it's an animal where do you think the meat comes from?” At which point John gave up and Jock put its head back on and entered the Pitt. The night went swimmingly and every one seemed to have a really good time. Just as John was about to announce the winner of the best costume a bizarre thing happened. Alice kissed Pavel and a few whispers of smoke appeared in front of Pavel, then to every ones shocked amazement he started to undress! He carried on as though no one could see him, until John stepped in and spread his wings (John being a Falcon) to save the ladies embarrassment. From behind the wings stepped Pavel dressed as an Elf! Alice looked suitably impressed the rest of the party looked suitably confused! John then in a loud voice to distract every one announced that the winner of the best dressed person was……Josiah with his beautiful Lady Panther. Every one applauded and congratulated them, except Jock who had now discovered that his costumes head was stuck and could not get it off!

The last week was a quiet week by the looks of it. Both JOG and JWK take to the stalls to practice their swordsmanship skills. TOM and PC both visited South side to see the ladies, each with different results! TOM on his way home he was caught by the Press Gang of the HMS Waakzamheit, ah life in the navy I am sure TOM will enjoy it! Meanwhile PC was innocently walking home a pleasant smile on his lips when he was jumped by footpads, unluckily for them, but luckily for PC he did not have any money on him, having spent it all on the “Ladies ” of Southside! JA went to the Dolphin to attend a party supposedly being thrown by FF. It seems FF had forgot to organise it or even tell any one about it. JA was left standing at the entrance looking decidedly unhappy by this turn of events! Over at Lloyds PP was entertaining WS to drinks and the pleasure of his company, WS was in turn telling him what a wonderful chap he was! JA was seen at a notable stable in the city purchasing a nice looking horse for some reason? Jock was still seen in his outfit as he was still stuck, he was last seen heading for the smithy to get it removed!

Finally the event of the week saw a bemused Rebecca Morrison opening her window to hear better a string Quartet serenade her whilst WKM stood to once side waiting for them to finish, whence he launched into a beautiful poem to the lady. Rebecca could contain her self no more and rushed down to her front door and confessed her undying love to WKM.

One further thing I heard JOG mention that this may be the last time he throws a party in the Pitt, some thing about moving on to pastures anew?

Sir - you may be a slight cad in staeling that floozy who chose to call herself my personal assistant ... but I do not hold grudges ... perhaps we could meet on return to London for a drink ... at your club? I would of course be happy to meet the expenses?

I want to join your ship as a Lieutenant. I am an expert with a sextant, also at cloudy conditions.

It has come to my attention that London society has been sadly lacking recently in one particular area - Gambling.

It is with this in mind that I have decided to do all that I can to rectify this shortcoming - so: Party Week 1 at Red Coats. Gambling compulsory - I will act as croupier.

I intend to attend and spread some bets so mark me down. I may also be having a little do of my own again on a different theme from last month, watch the press for details,

Since your letter obviously was written in remarkable rashness and I am employed within the blockade squadron – here nobody is allowed to buy a Lieutenancy – I have to decline your application. If you are still willing to join my ship next month you are welcome!

Jock will be answering questions about his time on the EIM and his travels plus any other questions you can think of. (I suggest reading back copies of my diary for those who have missed it!) There will be a prize of 100 guineas for the most original question of the night to be judged by the London Gazette reporter JC himself!

The best costume of the night will also win 100 Guinea judged by my Dear Diana. I will pay all costs for the night Ladies included. To be fair neither I or Diana will be entered in the competition, so come what have you to lose?

Court martial