Current Briny en Garde Turn Report

Mutiny is an ugly word to the ears of every man with a drop of salt water in his veins, and the First Sea Lord was no exception. As soon as he had been informed that the (diminished) blockade squadron off Brest had risen against its officers, he at once sent HMS Droits de l'Homme to deal with the situation. Off Dover she met a French fisherman, who told reported that both HMS Salisbury and HMS Sauve Qui Peut had gone north a few days earlier, after negotiations with Buonaparte's emmissaries had apparently broken down; and the captain of HMS Droits de l'Homme immediately drew the conclusion that the renegades might look for shelter in one of the neutral Scandinavian states. With the wind mostly NW during the last days, he reckoned that their headstart might actually be quite small and that his ship would probably catch up with them somewhere in the region of the Faroer islands if he cracked on regardless. Which he did, and a few days later the lookout did in fact report two sails fine on the starboard horizon. Soon afterwards, HMS Droits de l'Homme caught up with HMS Salisbury as the latter tried to round the island's eastermost headland and put a shot clean across her bow. Seeing that to resist would be futile and to escape impossible, the mutineers capitulated and a detachment of Marines went aboard HMS Salisbury to restore law and order. They found JOG in irons in the lowermost hold, much bruised but still alive – unlike his 1 st lieutenant, who had been shot during the mutineers‘ attempt to seize the ship! Meanwhile, HMS Sauve Qui Peut took advantage of the delay and tried to have it away, and nearly managed it, too, but for a lucky shot from HMS Droits de l'Homme 's bow chaser which annihilated one of her rudder pintles; And although the mutineers aboard her threatened to make all officers aboard walk the plank prior to setting the ship on fire, the captain of HMS Droits de l'Homme was having none of it and cooly proceeded to close and board her. Just as he was filling his lungs to hail the ship, he saw the flag blow away ... in the confusion, DOR had gone up the mizzen shrouds and hacked through the lines securing it. A brave deed, but in vain did he hope it would earn him some kind of a reward; and with JOG knighted by a grateful Monarch, and HMS Droits de l'Homme's Colonel RM being made much of by Parliament, and several of her Lieutenants receiving quite handsome rewards of a pecuniary nature, this must have been a bitter pill to swallow indeed.

A few hundred miles to the south, EIC Fedeorov on her maiden voyage to the far East had also profited greatly from the prevailing winds. In fact, her progress down the Bay of Biskay proved so very uneventful that the fact that during the first day of her 2 nd Lieutenant had won 1,000 Guineas off a number of wealthy passengers remained the main topic of conversation for the next two weeks. Both JoS and JH tried to emulate their superoir's example by inviting their messmates to bet on the number of rats populating the lower holds, but to no avail ... everybody was saving up for the whores in Tenerife.

Very much farther South (and much farther East), EIC Shangri-La did not make any progress at all – she lay becalmed under the tropic sun and such rats as may have been aboard had long ago fled to the most deepest and darkest nooks and crannies in her hold, much to the disgust of PC. He had bought a flute in Bombay, warranted to have belonged to a famous rat catcher, and he had conceived the same idea as JoS and JH – to invite his shipmates to bet on the number of rats which would turn up once he started blowing his instrument – but now he found that under the burning sun the effort surpassed what strength and resolution he possessed..

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Well were do I begin this month so much happening, so many newcomers to London seeking fame and fortune, so many of the ladies being wooed, its enough to turn even my real hair under my wig grey!!!

The first week saw many travelling to The Dolphin were Tyler Brock a brand new patron has organised The Third “ Chinese Nights ” Party. There was a fine spread on offer this month, with a distinct Chinese flavour, these included Dim Sums, Singapore Fried Noodles, some Tiger Beer and Opium beds which I have heard can lead to a corruption of the soul and ones health. Tyler had even managed to bring back some Chinese girls as servants which raised a few eyebrows in the club, from the more senior members. There was even a four piece set of musicians called “The Bugs” from Liverpool docks area. So who turned up to this distinctly Chinese flavoured night? Well PP and Alice arrived looking dashing; JA came in right after him. Next through the doors were RTM and Moll in company of WS and Sue. JS and Lady Elizabeth arrived shortly after. Leaving it till the last minute was the 4 of the other single men of the night EQ, HD, BL and RP.

Now every one was here TB went round the room with Jennifer ensuring all had food and drink, as always he had a Chinese girl by his side to attend to his every need. Most were very wary of the unusual food on offer, although the Tiger beer was going down great guns! Eventually people began to try it and were amazed to discover they actually liked it. Special thanks to PP and Alice for leading the way on that. People were talking about some sort of game to be played by Tyler Brock and John O'Groats to wipe out some past insult which every one seemed to forget what it was about. Unfortunately John was not there, he was away on HM Business having just secured the M&C of HMS Salisbury, some thing JWK pointed out to every one as Tyler was announcing it. This caused Tyler to look a trifle put out but contented him self with playing a few rounds with WKM for the benefit of those there to see what it was like. I can safely say it will never replace the dice or cards here in England! The rest of the night went swimmingly so to speak and a jolly good time was had by all. However two things spoiled it. One was the curious incident of some girls (Chinese) putting out some long tables in one corner of the room and then inviting the men to remove their clothes so they could rub them all over with oils! The Ladies present where outraged or embarrassed I am not sure, even the single men looked aghast at the prospect of disrobing in public for such a thing, although RP DID start to undress before he realised that no one else was!

The other incident was as every one was leaving, Tyler was at the door seeing every one off with Jennifer, he stepped out to wave goodbye when some one stepped up to him and threw horse manure at him hitting him squarely in the face. Some of the more drunken me laughed and one wag shouted “Well Hoo Flung Dung” which caused a few laughs and some titters from ladies present. The man responsible was chased and confessed to being “put up for it” he divulged the mans name and it was none other than JWK in revenge for insulting his friend John O'Groats and being a “ dammed popinjay ”! This lead to a challenge which has been accepted in a sportsman like way ( we all know duelling is forbidden )

It seemed to be the week for accepting “sportsman challenges” as Emma Woodhouse found her door step positively brimming with suitors! The poor woman had not 1 or 2 but 3 of them on her door step! These men were AB, IS and JM no less. A lot of the ladies in London want to know her secret! Mean while Joan Fullins had her fair share of suitors as well, but could only manage 2 I am afraid. HJ and WC agreed to settle this in a “sportsman” like manner as well! Also being bowled over this week was Betty Grapples who succumbed to NH advances ( NH obviously was playing the flash cove and decided to overwhelm BG with largesse: several bolts of silk just in off an Indiaman, and a small string of South Sea pearls .), as did Prudence Petterson to AG, who bought her a beautiful ruby necklace and adequate earrings, plus some red roses ( some men have far too much money to spend so! ). JB satisfied him self with a quiet night in the Pit. The only one not at any thing was MW who tried to attend the party that was going to be given by JOG, but was cancelled due to his ship sailing to the blockade.

MAD was seen down the stalls practising his cutlass, while poor TOM was aboard ship on duty!

Thus ended the first week of the month in London, a very hectic one to be sure as my Irish friend would say.

The second week of the month was going to prove just as entertaining believe me, but any way read on….

MAD held a party on HMS Sheik Yassouf he seems to want to impress his friends. Any way he did employ a coach to and from his ship to ensure no one fell foul of press gangs or footpads and the like, very noble of him indeed. MAD met every one at the gang plank and had drinks waiting for them. Those attending aboard were, PP and Alice, RTM and Moll, WS and Sue, NH and Betty AG and Prudence on there own were IS, MW and EQ. However once inside a few terse words were exchanged between various officers as there appeared to be a real mix of ships officers present. There was some more issues of “Sportsman” settlements made between MAD and WS, AG and WS finally MW and WS. However the party spirit prevailed ( Just! ) as the all drank a toast to DD who died on the recent campaign, then a another toast to the sailors and marines of the ship who had also died. At the end of the night a toast was offered up for MAD him self and his recent Knighthood. All in all a good night barring the little arguments earlier!

Once again this week saw Emma Woodhouse with a full doorstep (What perfume is this lady using?) As HD and JM both turn up to court her! More Sportsman challenges were issued! Not to be out done, Joan Fullins also has a brace of suitors, BL and RP, more challenges!

JA and Rebecca visited the opera and met a man of importance: a member of the Admiralty! He promised JA to help him with his next application. Others had a more sedate week. TB practised his Cutlass; AB attended his club for a few drinks. JB visited his as well and had a few; WC and TOM were on duty while JS visited his club with his M.

That was the week that was …..

T he third week beckoned like some painted lady from Southside selling her wares, so lets not disappoint her shall we?

This week AG invited all and sundry to his club, Dolphin and again it was a well turned out event. The list read like a who's who of Officers and their ladies ( I think the free drinks and boredom played a great part in this ). Any way AG and Prudence met every one of them personally the club door. Those attending were: PP and Alice, JWK and Sophia, JA , RTM and Moll, WS and Sue, JS and Lady Elizabeth, EQ, TB and Jennifer, AB, WC, MW, IS, JB, MAD, NH and Betty finally TOM . Not a bad turn out for the 3 rd week of partying if I say so my self. The start of the party was begun with the singing of the National Anthem followed by a minutes silence for those who fell in the recent campaign.

Once every one had finished AG made sure all their glasses where charged and raised a toast “ To the King of Great Britain and our Country! God save us all!” Then all guests sat down and a splendid meal was brought before them: a great variety of meat (pork, goose, chicken, lamb, beef etc.) is served with many different vegetables (potatoes, tomatoes, paprika, peas, beans, cucumber, salad…) and different wines. This was a meal all could enjoy, a true English fare for one and all. Those present complimented AG on a fine spread, however as usual ships rivalries got the better of those present and before long the usual Sportsman challenges were ringing in the air. The following exchanged cards to arrange it: AG & JS, AG &. WS, MAD & JS, MAD & WS, 12: MW & JS, finally MW & WS.

Order was restored at the end of the night when the “ Secret National Anthem ” was sung.

Reproduced below is the song:

When Britain first at Heav'n's command
Arose from out the azure main;
This was the charter of the land,
And guardian angels sang this strain;