Current Briny en Garde Turn Report

THUD! J H sat up in his cot and swore under his breath. Sleep was clearly impossible as long as EIC Fedeorov continued to fire her bow chaser every three minutes – and she would do that as long as this d…arned fog bank remained. And fog, JH knew from previous experience, was the natural state of affairs in the Bay of Biskay in February. Fog didn't give a fig for the fact that EIC Fedeorov was on the last but one leg of her journey – and a pretty dismal journey it had turned out to be, for all that her holds were now crammed with the wealth of the Orient - silk from Canton, Sandalwood from Calcutta, spices from … well, the Spice islands, of course, although JH wasn't too sure where those were. Nor did it care that her captain had clearly lost whatever ability to command a ship of twelve thousand tons (Thames measurement) and a net worth of more than half a million pounds sterling once she had reached London safely he once might have possessed. There had been plenty of East in the winds that had wafted EIC Fedeorov along the Spanish and Portuguese coast – past Lisbon, Oporto and Cap Finisterre – and JH doubted the wisdom of the captain's decision not to run straight towards Land's End. There would be no ships from the blockade squadron patrolling the French coast. There would be no help if one of Bonaparte's commerce raiders found them creeping along at a pace a snail would call dawdling. And he, JH, would spend the remainder of his life languishing in a French prison. And it only took one fishing boat returning home to alert the raiders at, for example, the Île de Ré. God's rot, what a mess …!

THUD! Acting captain Matthew Walker barely noticed the final flourish of the Marine sentry presenting arms as he strode past him into the Admirals office. His thoughts were still on his report, describing in detail of how the ships under his command (HMS Sheik Yassouf , HMS Waakzamheit , HMS Glenmoranie and HMS Alexander ) had come upon the French commerce raider Vengeur , of 64 guns, just as she was attacking a homeward-bound Indiaman. She had fought well, but some quick thinking officer had managed to set her sails aflame with a few well-aimed signal rockets. The ensuing fire's heat had dispersed the fog somewhat and the French had been dismayed at finding themselves in the middle of a whole squadron of British ships. Acting captain Walker clicked his heels and stood to attention as the admiral came round his desk to shake him by the hand. “You're a lucky man, Walker, so you are! A needle in a hay stack, eh? And no men killed, hardly any wounded. Well, you and your men have earned some reward. Sit down, make yourself comfortable, take this list and tell me whether I've left out somebody!” MW gratefully accepted a glass of sillery and a plate with scones (which he carefully balanced on his meagre shanks), took his spectacles out of his pocket , and read: HMS Alexander : BB to be promoted to master's mate. HMS Waakzamheit : NH to be promoted to master & commander of HMS Salisbury (and the coach waiting to take him there at once) as well as a purse of 600 guineas; Captain JA of the RM to be mentioned in dispatches and 500 guineas; Private JB of the RM 300 guineas.

HMS Sheik Yassouf : MAD (who had been extremely reckless as well as terribly brave and who had braved the claws of the Fedeorov 's ship cat to save the captain's parsnip plants) to be mentioned in dispatches as well as 150 Guineas (pity he had made it abundantly clear that he scorned promotion – it would have been his for the asking); TOM to be knighted (the signal rockets were probably his idea, MW thought, he was always a clever chap); BA to receive a purse of 400 Guineas; And for himself, MW noticed, a purse of 50 guineas, a mention in dispatches, and a new captain : JOG.

There were some gaps, however: On HMS Alexander , SAM had failed to distinguish himself in the action and on top of that both his application to become captain of the foretop or captain's secretary were rejected, too. HMS Glenmoranie had managed to lose touch with the rest of the squadron and had only shown up after the French had surrendered – no kudos for PP, JF and SAB. Aboard HMS Waakzamheit , RP and WC had apparently stuck to the letter of their orders rather than to their spirit and had stood immobile at the door of the spirit room. MW promised himself to find out more about these officers and men. The nature of her work made the Navy highly competitive. There was no room for dead weight. Still deep in thought, MW rose, completely unaware that the plate with scones was still perched on his knee …!

THUD! The sweet sound of nails hammered through new copper sheets that would now protect HMS Salisbury 's bottom against the rot. For once, the Lords of the Admiralty had shown good sense in ordering the blockade squadron home – they could never had held their station in the prevailing East winds and besides, there was a power shuffle going on!

Aboard HMS Salisbury , everything was as shipshape as it could be on a ship undergoing extensive repairs, although somebody who knew her well would have detected a faint air of exasperation in her officers and crew. They had cheered when JOG had made his old dream come true at the beginning of the month and bought a commission (after having spent the required time at sea). However, as soon as he had he plunked down the money on the desk of the admiralty head clerk the latter had handed him new orders for HMS Fiddler's Green . They had cheered AM with good grace as well (and celebrated his promotion with a double tot) but AM was now commanding HMS Fiddler's Green after JOG been ordered aboard HMS Sheik Yassouf . Now they looked forward to pipe NH aboard, and he will have his work cut out to win their esteem - both JOG and AM were somewhat given to spectacular successes. It's not enough to do your duty, you had to be seen doing it, master's mate EQ mused, and thus it was all down to luck. Why, he himself had stood at the wheel day and night in a most exemplary manner – never letting the waves slapping against the hull (sometimes with considerable force) getting the better of him – and nary a word of thanks had he received!

Thirty yards behind him, AB thought much the same, but with a touch of complacencycreeping into his thoughts – he had been noticed all right and a benevolent admiral had just confirmed his rank of Master & Commander (it always helps to be able to snapp off a smart salute).

THUD! “Somehow the days used to be longer” mused Rear Admiral of the Blue Sir AG as the office door closed behind him. Meanwhile, his trusted Aide was busy “tidying” the admiral's desk. His eye fell on a heap of cryptic notes where AG had jotted down his ideas for the upcoming months – with particular attention to the opening gambit, to be delivered by the white and red squadron this very month. “Take them all” and “Rubicon” was what AG had written, but: Tattersall – Rubain ! was what his aide managed to decipher. “Funny, I didn't think the old man cared tor a flutter. Must be his tip for the Admiralty Stakes. Little did he think of it in the days to follow … but Rubain did in fact win the Admiralty Stakes in a most handsome manner, enriching AG by 1100 guineas!

At about the same time but five hundred miles to the West, the red squadron was in deep trouble. It had all happened so quickly – HMS Bellerophone had signalled sighting an admiralty cutter and the squadron had hove to, happily waiting for news from home, mail and – in the case of HMS Fiddler's Green – a new captain. And while all eyes had been turned eastwards, three French 74s had come up from the west and opened fire … only to be in surprised in their turn by the ships of the white squadron coming to the rescue. HMS Droits de l'Homme' s broadside alone sent one Frenchman away with blood streaming from every gun port; Plenty of kudos all round, with a knighthood for her Colonel RM (who was also promoted to Brigade General and given a purse of 450 guineas) as well as for her 2 nd and 3 rd lieutenant (who were not promoted, there being no sloop available, but also received sizable purses). Meanwhile, HMS Halcyon and HMS Bellerophone between them had taken on the second Frenchman and although RTM did what he could his raw crew was too slow and clumsy at the guns to do much damage, while HMS Halcyon managed to cut the Frenchman's forestay – which earned him the title of viscount from a grateful monarch. Never mind that the gun who fired the shot in question had actually been pointed and fired by a Royal Marine … to be more precise, by new ‘cruit PC, who had been ordered aboard after graduating first out of fifty from Sgt McDonald's class. He was immediately promoted and given a purse of 400 guineas to unlearn all that extracurricular gunnery stuff he had picked up and to become once more a regular member of the RM. The third Frenchman thus found himself all alone and facing HMS Fiddler's Green as well as HMS Belle Poule . JOG recklessly tried to luv up and rake the Frenchman's stern but just then the wind died and the ship hung in stays while the Frenchman shot ahead - straight into HMS Belle Poule's broadside!. The Lords of the admiralty, thinking JOG had planned it that way (instead of just having been unlucky) rewarded him with a mention in dispatches and a promotion to HMS Sheik Yassouf .

---------FIN-----------

So a new year begins for us all and January makes its entrance onto the stages of London……

So week one starts off the new season and down at Button's TB is organising a Chinese party (again!). However the guest list appears to be very small as I spy only 3 couples and a gentleman entering the premises, these are: HJ & Joan, BL & Flora, JM & Pamela and TJ. However I can report that a very decent fare was on offer even if it was only Chinese food! The food was Seafood with Asian flavour (Editor: what's wrong with jellied eels and mussels? ) this was followed by Chinese acrobats and some very good mobsman (Editor: Whatever these are? Editor2: cutpurse, pickpocket ) - All given back after party, of cause! This all went down rather well with those assembled I can say. As every one left they congratulated TB on his Chinese night, seems it was a success ….

Meanwhile, JS & Lady Elizabeth were seen dining at JS's club all cosy like. WS was also seen with Sue at his club enjoying each others company. As for the rest of London's social elite some were at sea and others, well they were ever they were….

Week two starts with another party in Buttons, with TB as the host, this time the list extends to the “nose in the air” gang and his fellow officers. So the list consists of just BL and JM, however HJ did try to get in but was refused entry at the door, not the right social standing you see! From all accounts it was a pretty quiet affair and they soon left for home. JS and Lady Elizabeth once more went out to his club for a meal and drinks. Mean while further down the town a small group of Italian gents complete with instruments assembled closely followed by TJ. They all set up out side Sophia Williams's town house and on cue from TJ they launched into a stirring Italian love tune. Sophia appeared at the window with a bucket full of slops prepared to throw over them all, when she paused and put it to the ground and listened in rapture. After a good 10 minutes the Italians stopped playing and Sophia clapped then disappeared from the window, only to appear at the door and confess her love for TJ, bless him!

Week three came and very nearly went without me or most of London noticing such was quietness of it.

HJ and Joan went to his club, JS and Lady Elizabeth went to theirs, TB had a week off with Prudence from the club scene and had a quiet night together for once. Meanwhile BL, JM and TJ spent the week in the stalls practising their skills in sword play. That was week three, don't blink you may miss it!

Nope it sloped in and snuck out nearly as quickly as week three. HJ and Joan again went to his club for drinks. So did JS and Lady Elizabeth and yes so did TB again with Prudence. BL, JM and TJ spent another week in the stalls. All very boring and not what I expect from our social peers…..

What else happened this month, well not much although there were a few things of note? The money lenders reported brisk trade, no names though. JM got made the Press Gang Officer of BS. WC applied to be Aide to Admiral of the Blue. Vice Admiral of the Blue refused an offer to retire although the 1st Lt of SY did retire when asked. HJ tried to apply as Masters Mate on either the BS or BE but failed. That was all of the month's activities; hopefully next month will be better….

The London Gazette Sports Supplement

Welcome to the 2nd edition of the London Gazette sports supplement, in this section of The Gazette we will bring you the latest news of any and all contests and sporting events taking place within the City of London and environs.

As you all know, the taking of matters into one's own hands is something that is frowned upon in this country – and so well it should be, but that is not to say that two gentlemen of good standing cannot settle their differences in the manner of a sporting contest, and it is with that in mind that we at The Gazette have decided to publish reports of such events for the information of our readers.

Disclaimer – The report contained within these pages was viewed by our reporter as a sporting contest and The Gazette accepts no responsibility if it was actually a duel. We will not be held accountable for encouraging such illegal activities, and we strongly endorse the work of the Admiralty in discouraging such events .

A few gentlemen of note were in attendance and I saw some money change hands as well as the odd flask of whiskey being passed about, it was early and rather cold I may add! Betting appeared to be heavily on WS for those interested.

The event started and both seemed evenly match at first. Both landed blows and it was tit for tat for the first 3 rounds. In the 4th things picked up a tad and again they traded blow for blow. At the end of the fourth round WS gave in, it appears the sabre being used by HJ caused much heavier damage and bigger wounds than WS rapier. Most of the assembled gents agreed that WS was the better fencer but……. It seems the sabre had the edge, so to speak……

The London Gazette Sports Supplement

Court martial