Current Briny en Garde Turn Report

The heavy curtains of the bay window had been drawn against the astonishing heat of the May sun, but the fire burning in the grate and several candles on his desk on top of the warmth seeping in from outside made the room close and stuffy. The First Sea Lord briefly considered loosening his cravat but decided against it. Instead, he picked up the folder containing all papers concerning the Red Squadron. On top he found Baron Sandwich’s letter announcing his intention to take the squadron to sea, destination undisclosed. He had been in a tearing hurry, too, and had left without waiting for HMS Fiddler’s Green to have her new main mast stepped. The next document bore the superscription HMS Ferocious, at sea, and was dated May 21st. The first Sea Lord made sure his spectacles were sitting properly and began to read: “I have the honour to acquaint your Lordship with the fact that yesterday at three bells in the forenoon watch HMS Ferocious fell in with a French privateer of sixty guns named “La Belle Louise” and boarded her after a long chase and a fierce battle. Your Lordship will be pleased to learn that the ship’s officers and men behaved extremely well, both individually and collectively. At the same time, I am indebted to the captains and crews of HMS Bellerophone and HMS Belle Poule to secure all three of the Frenchman’s prizes (one recaptured Guineaman and two American whalers). I deeply regret to inform your Lordship of the death of Sir Ashby Bower, captain of HMS Belle Poule, and Mr. William Cooke, her 1st Lieutenant. R.I.P.. I have the honour to remain, etc..

“Pity about Sir Ashby” the First Sea Lord thought “His brother paid us a handsome compliment by voting with the government on the

Navy estimates”. The First Lord rang the bell for his secretary. “Fitz-Simmons, I’ll trouble you for the folders marked JS, TB, RTM, WS, BC, BL; And send to the Horse Guards for those marked IS, JB, JD and PJ. And please ask the stenographer on duty to step this way” – “Ah, Humbley, sit down and take these notes: Rear Admiral Jack Sandwich, will be promoted to Vice Admiral without distinction and mentioned in dispatches. Post Captain Tyler Brock, to receive a purse of 600 guineas. Both will receive a title as well, I guess. Acting Lieutenant Silver will be promoted to full Lieutenant and is to receive a purse of 550 guineas. As for the Marines, Captain Steel will be mentioned in dispatches (although I dare say he would have liked a promotion better), Subaltern Bishop will be promoted to Lieutenant RM aboard HMS Salisbury, and Private Jenkins will be promoted to Subaltern and is to receive a purse of 600 guineas. That’s about all, I think. Yes, Fitz-Simmons?”

“Your Lordship, a report has just come in by semaphore. HMS Sheik Yassouf and HMS Salisbury have encountered a strong French squadron under Linneux while escorting the ship carrying the Russian ambassador to Hamburg. However, they have managed to extricate themselves without losses, mostly due to the heavy fog which began to fall soon after the French set about them in earnest. Still, the Russians will be grateful, no doubt. They’re not on speaking terms with Boney at the moment” – “All right. Don’t bother to fetch the files, Fitz-Simmons, I know most of the gentlemen concerned and Humbley here will hand you the notes after we’re done”. The secretary went out and the First Sea Lord continued: “Post Captain Kerr will take over as Rear Admiral of the Red territories and is to receive a purse of 900 guineas. Captain Marlowe of HMS Bellerophone will be promoted and transferred to HMS Sheik Yassouf and mentioned in dispatches. Commander Macleane will be promoted to Captain aboard HMS Belle Poule. Lieutenant Locke of HMS Ferocious will be promoted to Master & Commander and will take over HMS Salisbury. Lieutenant Walker will be mentioned in dispatches and is to receive a purse of 150 guineas. As for the Marines, Major Albytross will be mentioned in dispatches and is to receive a purse of 100 guineas. Lieutenant Cunning will be promoted to Captain RM and transfer to HMS Glenmoranie; He is to receive a purse of 700 guineas. By the way, Humbley, has the letter appointing Captain Pipovitch gone out yet? He sent an express, asking permission to join HMS Berwickshire as soon as possible. I dare say he’s afraid the port admiral will steal most of his men” – “Written fair and sent off yesterday, Mylord. Which only leaves the business of HMS Sauve Qui Peut …!” – “What about her?” – “She’s the one mentioned in Lord Fodder’s note. A note in a yellow envelope, your Lordship!” – “Ah yes, I remember now. Not a pretty business, that one. But I dare say Commander O’Malley deserves being promoted to captain aboard HMS Glenmoranie as well as being mentioned in dispatches and receiving another title. And those men … “ – “Lieutenant Jorgens and Mr. Fregate, Sir” – “Yes, you’re right. I think Lieutenant Jorgens will be a good choice as her new Master & Commander; And he’ll be gazetted, of course. Mr. Fregate will be mentioned in dispatches as well and he is to receive a purse of 1400 guineas. As for the Marines, Lieutenant Adams will be promoted to Captain RM and transfer to HMS Halcyon at once. Incidentially, is there any news of that Indiaman, Humbley?” – “I’ll have to check with Mr. Fitz-Simmons, your Lordship, but she seems to be well on her way to India by now!” – Thank you, Humbley, that’s all for today. I’m going home now!”. And with these final words the First Sea Lord picked up his walking stick and left the room …

….and the so the month starts like the four seasons, a promise of new beginnings and a hint of change in the air…….

So week one sprouts from the ground showing a hint of the new things under the ground. First up is the “stag night” of Baron O’Groats in his club. However the Baron is a tad disappointed to only see the following enter to see the end of his bachelorhood: EQ, SAM and HC oh and of course Jock his best man! (Editor: Best man, Best man, my good is he scraping the barrel or what!). Anyway the 5 of them soon start the party off, and by the end of the night the owner is complaining that they have done more damage to his drinks stock that twice the number would usually do. Jock and the Baron reminisce over old times about the EIM and all their adventures together, the Baron confides to

Jock that he misses all that now he is a posh Baron an all that. At the end of the night all 5 are seen heading to the Barons House for a “night cap” god knows what the bride to be will make of him in the morning….

Meanwhile AG hosts a part of his own at his club, those attending here rather that the Barons Stag Night are: BB, PP and Prudence, SAB and Gwen, JJ, SYG, AM and Ophelia. Not much to report seems a very quiet affair. I did over hear one or two saying how they wished they had now gone to Baron O’Groats stag night….Also out and about these weeks are: TJ and MAD, both practising in the stalls with their chosen weapons.

The main even this week was the wedding of Baron O’Groats to Diana. I nipped along to St Paul’s where I was surprisingly given a seat in the second row so had a good chance to hob-nob with all the well-to-do people. Baron O’Graots arrived dressed in his best uniform and sword at his side. Jock his best man was resplendent in a Highlanders outfit (paid for by the Baron I hear) they looked very respectable. They waited and soon Diana appeared in a stunning white wedding dress of the very best Chinese silk accompanied by no less than 4 page boys, outfitted as sailors. Many a murmur of approval was heard about Dianna’s dress and the odd jealous comment, but that’s women for you! The Archbishop himself conducted the service and finally after they both said “I do” they walked out as man and wife to be showered in confetti from their guests.

From there it was a short ride to JOG’s club and the wedding feast. Those at the wedding and the party are: EQ, PP & Prudence, JJ, SYG, TJ & Sophia, SAM, AM & Ophelia, HC & Moll and AG with Rosemary. As usual there was the best mans speech by Jock some reproduced here:
My Lords, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to say a few words about my good friend John, I mean the Baron. Most of you will know that of our friendship from our adventures on the E.I.C. La Poubelle. However none will realise that we go further back to a time when we were both poor men and sailors on many a scabby craft with an uncaring master. That is where we learnt our trade and were our real friendship started. John and me did not get on to start with, in fact we hated each other at first sight, but after coming together against a Bosun who hated us more we soon struck up a friendship and many adventure we had. I won’t mention the Southside or the ladies in a distant land that we met and showed the true meaning of English hospitality, but I am sure that they never forgot us! A sharp look from Diana seems to remind Jock of why they are here. Any way I am sure that is all in the past and that the couple are well matched and all I can say to Diana is take care of my John for me. Diana replies “I assure you I will jock, but do not fret you will still be allowed to visit and who knows one day we may be sat at your wedding regaling the people with tales of your past!”
Jock looked a tad uncomfortable at the mention of this and says raising his glass, My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Happy Couple, may they be together always. I looked round at some of the many gifts to the happy couple; there was a set of crystal glasses from AG and Rosemary, a large bottle of Gin from PP among some I saw. There was one bit of unpleasantness, but both men had the decency to keep it away from the wedding. It seems SAB tried to court Sophia, he was of course unsuccessful, however TJ found out and cards were exchanged for next month! Meanwhile MAD was seen practicing in the stalls all week and BB went Southside and returned unscathed!

Week three arrived to herald the beginning of autumn and to remind us that things must die to begin anew….

JOG and Lady Diana hosted a party at his club once more those seen enjoying their company are: PP & Prudence and HC & Moll. It was a quiet party as the host and his wife seemed rather wrapped up in each other, in fact rumour has it they left early for some reason!! SAB was seen at his club with Gwen. AM also held a party as well it was also a quiet affair, those seen there was: SAM, EQ and SYG. MAD is seeing preparing for next weeks party! TJ tried to enter the party of AM but is no longer a member of the FG. BB also went to his club. JJ went Southside but unluckily was held up and robbed!

So as the last leaves fall week four leaves us with a nice pile of leaves to clean up!

This week MAD has gone to great lengths to entertain his guests! During dinner the celebrated conductors Joshua Hieronymus Handle and Pietro Annunzio Care (“Handle With Care”) perform their famous double act in taking an orchestra through the “Water Music”; After dinner, they play several minuets, gavottes and other ball room pieces. The evening closes with a rendering of the “Fireworks Music”, complete with fireworks, of course! Several guests show up in costumes as requested, MAD and Isabella have dressed as Helena and Paris “apples, anybody?” Those seen attending are: JOG & Diana, PP & Prudence, AM and Ophelia and AG and Rosemary. JOG turns us dressed as Achilles whilst Diana settles on Helen of Troy, both look rather fetching. AM & Ophelia wear very ornate jewelled masks that suggest they may be Greek philosophers…Socrates? However AG also turns up as Socrates whilst Rosemary opts for Xanthippe. PP and Prudence turn in what can be described as a Toga, Prudence doe not do her name credit as it leaves very little to the imagination (Editor: I hear they had a big debate about this, I think they misread the invite!) Any way the party goes swimmingly and it makes a change from all those other parties, although it must be said that far too many of the servants were eyeing up Prudence!

Meanwhile HC tried to visit a party hosted by JOG, but found it cancelled as he attended the Greek night instead. TJ and SAB practised their weapons, whilst JJ and BB did stood duty on their ships. SYG went Southside and returned unmolested, as did EQ!

So week four leaves us with the gently falling snow of the winter solstice and so the seasons repeat them selves with never ending familiarity….

There was a lack of men about this month because JS in his wisdom volunteered the whole of the Red Squadron for service exempt the Fiddlers Green for some reason, hope he was not playing favourites was he?

The London Gazette Sports Supplement

Welcome to the 2nd edition of the London Gazette sports supplement, in this section of The Gazette we will bring you the latest news of any and all contests and sporting events taking place within the City of London and environs.

As you all know, the taking of matters into one's own hands is something that is frowned upon in this country – and so well it should be, but that is not to say that two gentlemen of good standing cannot settle their differences in the manner of a sporting contest, and it is with that in mind that we at The Gazette have decided to publish reports of such events for the information of our readers.

Disclaimer – The report contained within these pages was viewed by our reporter as a sporting contest and The Gazette accepts no responsibility if it was actually a duel. We will not be held accountable for encouraging such illegal activities, and we strongly endorse the work of the Admiralty in discouraging such events .

Court martial

None

Duels

All old duels cancelled since WC sadly died!

TJ vs. SAB for trying to pinch mistress in week 2!