Current Briny en Garde Turn Report

The life of a publisher was not an easy one, but Ebenezer Scrooge loved it. He would walk into his office in Fleet Street at 7 a.m. sharp and sit down at his desk, where his clerk had already arranged the manuscripts in a neat pile. This morning there were no less that five of them awaiting Ebenezer's attention, and without more ado he picked up the first one, entitled “The Call of the Sea” : “ T his life of a Young Gentleman is starting out well, thought Duncan . A fine kipper for breakfast, not to mention the send-off that young Nell the barmaid had given me the night before. “Dunkin” Duncan , that's what she'd called me. A feisty wench … !”. Ebenezer Scrooge did not wait to find out whether Duncan 's last name might be Donut; He just dropped the pages into his wastepaper basked and took the next work off the pile. This one was called “Adventures of a Country Boy” : “ Breakfast's up!” the call floated through the open window into Edward's room. When he arrived downstairs, his two sisters, his elder brother, and his parents were already gathered round the breakfast table. He put his half-packed trunk, sat down in his accustomed place and filled his plate with bubble and squeak, a little black pudding, and a side dish with bacon, egg, and tomatoes. As was their wont, the family drank small beer for breakfast, not coffee. They all ate heartily and spoke with great animation of the excitements London would hold for young Edward …!”. Once more, the pages were consigned to the basket, and Mr.Scrooge reached for the third offering, when his clerk came in with the morning tea. “Good morning, Mr. Scrooge” – “Good morning, Plodder” Ebnezer replied, and added “Would you listen to this? : John “Quaker” Oates, a spiritual young man from Plymouth with a natural inclination for the sea and a carefully nurtured hatred for the French, would like to see himself in the fullness of time as a naval officer. Can't dance, can't sing, can wave his sword a little and has a good strong voice which is well suited to reach the tops in a howling gale … !”. Mr. Scrooge grunted “Spiritual? Fiddlesticks!” – “I believe he means “spirited”, Mr. Scrooge” replied Plodder. “Then why doesn't he say so? But if you're so keen to help, you read the next one!” Plodder dutifully picked up the next manuscript and read : “ Anthony Dewhurst Delaford, the second son of Phillipe and Melissante Delaford, who were forced to flee from France leaving the family estate behind. In their flight the family were accompanied by Professor Andre de Damelf, Professor Jacque Mitteron and Doctor Pier Vasterhuel who were rescued, by Phillipe, from certain death at the hands of extremists. …!” – “Now that's what I call classy, Plodder! Scarlet Pimpernel, you know the style. A little polishing, and with a fair maiden instead of the professors and we might have a bestseller on our hands. Read the last one too, will you?” – “Very well : The muffled clatter of the horses' hooves and the steel-rimmed wheels suddenly increased in volume and acquired a more metallic ring as the coach left the hard packed earthen road from Torquay behind and entered the cobbled streets of London. “All those rumours are false” Harry muttered to himself “The streets are NOT paved with gold …!”.

No, the streets were not paved with gold, the First Sea Lord mused, looking with careworn eyes at the map of Europe which hung on the wall of his office in the third floor of the Admiralty building. He had been in his office even earlier than Ebenezer Scrooge, and with good reason : Far from being the undisciplined rabble, easily beaten, which most military experts had predicted, the Revolutionary Armies of France proved their superiority again and again, sweeping their enemies off the map of Europe. The English expeditionary force under the Grand Duke of York, together with its Portuguese allies and that Swedish mercenary “General” Erikson, had been repeatedly trounced in the Iberian peninsula . Austrians, Prussians, even Russian generals had had to swallow the bitter pill of capitulation. And each French victory had sent the City of London deeper into despair. Stocks were a drudge on the market and a man with a little capital might paper his room with Treasury bills or East India Company shares. A victory was needed, now more than ever. And if anything could stop the French from dominating the known world, it was the wooden walls of the English Navy.

Sir Lucius turned away from the map and his eye fell on Count de Terre-Têtes report. A Guernseyman by birth, the First Sea Lord spoke both English and French fluently and he had come to value the reports of Naval Intelligence's most highly placed agent. One of the Count's earlier messages had enabled the Royal Navy to stage what came later to be known as the “Brest Caper”. His latest report told of ships being laid up in ordinary in Brest and L'Orient, while their best seamen and officers were sent away, presumably to Toulon , where stores were arriving at an unprecedented rate – Dalmatian oak, Stockholm tar, and a myriad things besides. His report gave the names of eighteen ships of the line and ten frigates currently in Toulon ; And if the French could get even half of that number to sea this would be a severe blow indeed. Not only as far as the Navy's presence in the Mediterranean was concerned – once they had disposed of the squadron blockading Toulon (six ships of the line and three frigates, mostly built during the first part of the century) there was nothing that would stop the French sweeping past Gibraltar and out into the Atlantic. And that was not all – de Terre-Tête also told of smaller ships, mostly corvettes, fitting out in places like Lapin Cove. Commerce raiders, no doubt, able to outgun a frigate and to outsail a ship of the line. A particular name – “L'Enterprise” - caught the First Sea Lord's eye. He knew that ship. He had been aboard an Indiaman, returning from Sierra Leone , when she had found them a little south of Madeira – and she had chased them right up to the harbour entrance. Terre-Tête reported that she was newly coppered and that her crew was extremely large – and that she was commanded by capitaine de vaissaux Alphonse Bonsoir, who had previously refused command of “La Glorieuse”, a 96 gun ship.

The question was, the First Sea Lord mused, how much this report was to be trusted. Of the Count's loyalty and dedication to the cause there could be no doubt, but his name had been mentioned recently in several committee meetings … bandied about in a most shocking manner, if the truth were known - and his cover might well be blown. Sir Lucius silently dammed all committees to hell – a parcel of old women, endless bickering, and every word uttered likely to be reported in “The Times” or one of her less reputable siblings. The Admiralty Board too had its share of political appointees, some of them with strong mercantile interests. They had certainly perked up when Vice Admiral O'Groats had presented captain Miller's plan to cut out “L'Enterprise”. It was a rare thing that a Vice Admiral could be tempted from his desk, but “Grouchy” O'Groats had requested to be put aboard HMS Belle Poule in order to personally command her and the blockade squadron in the cutting-out expedition against that wicked French raider, leaving Rear Admiral Kerr to take over the stately cabin of HMS Ferocious which was to be the flagship of the fleet assembled against the Toulon threat. Sir Lucius sighed – there had been several very passionate letters regarding the cabin furniture and other things exchanged between Rear Admiral Kerr and the captain of HMS Ferocious . Tempers were still running high, he feared, and that might well affect the outcome.

However, orders had gone out accordingly to HMS Ferocious , HMS Fiddler's Green and HMS Glenmoranie , recalling them to London in a hurry for the purpose of receiving new stores, new men, and new orders. Although fresh from the Brest Caper, they had responded nobly; They had not missed the tide, which had wafted them upstream to the Pool and which had tree days later wafted them downstream again. But then the wind had failed them, turning South and trapping them the Downs , together with HMS Indomitable , half a dozen Indiamen and the better part of a Guinea Cost convoy. A lieutenant on a sweating donkey had brought the news of the ships being windbound; And within the half-hour an admiralty clerk had been sitting in the Portsmouth coach with orders for HMS Sheik Yassouf , HMS Waakzamheit and HMS Halcyon to make their presence known to the French and so to lead them on, until the time when all ships of the three squadrons could be brought together to force a decisive battle.

Yes, all that could be done had been done; And nothing remained to await the outcome. The First Sea Lord took a sip from his hip flask (never let people see you drink during office hours) and his eyes once more turned to the map. But hark – wasn't that the cry of newspaper boys? Too early for the afternoon papers … it must be a special edition. He listened eagerly as the cries came nearer and presently he saw the head porter come out of his booth in order to buy a paper and bring it up to him. BATTLE AT LAPIN COVE, read the headline, and below: “HMS Belle Poule and the ships of the Blockade squadron under Vice Admiral O'Groats have cut out the French commerce raider “ L'Entreprise ” after their Marines had neutralized the guns of the fort defending the harbour and its approaches. According to naval custom the captured ship will be bought into the service. Vice Admiral O'Groats showed extraordinary coolness under fire and stayed on the quarterdeck of HMS Belle Poule in order to dictate letters to his Aide. HMS Belle Poule and HMS Sauve Qui Peut managed to board the Frenchman and carry her out of the harbour, where the third ship, HMS Salisbury , was waiting for them (after having been unlucky in crossing the bar in front of Lapin Cove) …!”. The First Sea Lord let out a great shout, which presently brought his clerk to the door, but even before that worthy had arrived Sir Julius had snatched a sheet of paper and started scribbling : “This goes to the Horse Guards as soon as it's written fair!” Sir Julius told the clerk. “It shall be done, your Lordship” replied the clerk.

Several days later, the First Sea Lord sat at his desk, reading dispatches. One of them was dated: HMS Indomitable , at Sea. Sir, I have the honour to acquaint your Lordship with the fact that pursuant of your orders Brevet Rear Admiral Marlowe left Portsmouth with HMS Sheik Yassouf , HMS Waakzamheit and HMS Halcyon on the 11 th of August. Three days later he encountered a French fleet of nine ships of the line and three frigates (named in the margin) under Admiral Duvalier. The wind blowing SW/S he immediately made all possible sail and endeavoured to lead them westwards towards the Dogger banks, there to lose them in the prevailing fog. However, the French must have guessed his plan since they did not follow him all the way to the bank, forcing him to turn about and find them again. This he did on 42° 2“ North at three bells in the morning watch of the 22 nd of August, and as soon as the French saw him they renewed the chase, this time going eastwards. Despite several anxious moments, Admiral Marlowe managed to reach the agreed-upon rendezvous where I was waiting for him with reinforcements. By this time the weather (which had deteriorated steadily in the last days) was perfectly foul – heavy rain and poor visibility. This may account for the fact that Admiral Marlowe's ships slipped past us unseen, but the French were less lucky and upon seeing them HMS Halcyon fired several blue lights. Thus warned, Vice Admiral Sandwich in HMS Indomitable threw out the signal to engage the enemy closely and a very brisk action ensued, and although several French ships escaped (gallantly pursued by Rear Admiral Marlowe and his ships) we managed to capture four French ships and sink two more without the loss of a single one of ours. The conduct of the captains, officers and crews of the ships under my command left nothing to be desired. However, I regret to inform your Lordship that aboard HMS Ferocious Rear Admiral Kerr and his Aide Lt Jackson were both seriously wounded, with Rear Admiral Kerr having his right arm amputated and Lt Jackson having his chest crushed by a falling yard. Both are in hospital and we pray for their recovery. HMS Waakzamheit lost Midshipman Blowse (captain's secretary) and HMS Halcyon lost Lt. Drylande (a supernumerary). The butcher's bill ran to 45 men dead, 98 wounded.

WHAT! You call these reporting! This is worse than last month is there no one about in this fair city?

Apparently not Sir, replied one of the hacks, they all off at sea fighting the Frenchies….

Damm and blast, how am I supposed to sell this rag to the people with this drivel

Mr Duncan Dizzodly is seen knocking on Doris Open door with a large gift wrapped present. The lady in questions opens said door and accepts the gift. She unwraps it and looks stunned, before saying she will consent to “go out” with Duncan . Meanwhile Captain Steel (RM) is seen with his lady Emma at Redcoats enjoying a quiet meal and a drink together. Lastly John Oates is seen practising is cutlass ready to have a go at the Frenchies….

Duncan Dizzodly goes to the Opera with Doris and bumps into a high ranking Admiralty figure who tells him to call on him if heeds a favour some time (Editor: Why is this Admiralty Johnny not at sea?). Captain Steele (RM) is seen practising his sword play this week, whilst Mr Oates is seen drinking deeply in the Pit!

So that was the second week and it gets worse believe me….The third week is the same as the second but quieter…

Mr Dizzodly is seen down the pit on his own drinking himself silly. Captain Steel (RM) is once more seen practising his sword play, whilst Mr Oates is seen standing on Mary Lambs door step with flowers, chocolates and some perfume. The said lady opens the door grabs said gifts and says yes, then runs back inside the house….

The fourth week …Oh My God is the worse of the lot….The fourth week sees Duncan Dizzodly once more in a drunken stupor in the Pit. Whilst Captain Steel (RM) and Mr Oates confine themselves to doing ships duties this week

Bloody Nora what a poor show that was, lets hope the boys return soon and add some colour to these pages or else it is the bankruptcy courts for me!!!!

BATTLE OF LAPIN COVE

HMS Belle Poule : Vice Admiral O'Groats : Earldom and purse of 1430 guineas; Lt. Sum (his Aide) , MiD and 1300 guneas; Captain Jorgens, brevet promotion to HMS Waakzamheit and 1800 guineas; Mister Kirk, MiD and 1400 guineas; Lt Barry, 1500 guineas; Captain (RM) Bishop, 160 guineas.

HMS Sauve Qui Peut : Captain Marvell (severely wounded in action, will go on half pay), knighthood; Lt. Templeton-Smythe (seconded from HMS Berwickshire ) 1000 guineas.

HMS Salisbury : Captain Walker, promotion to HMS Belle Poule ; Lt. (RM) Champion, promotion Cpt. (RM) HMS Glenmoranie , 1300 guineas.

BATTLE OF THE 42 ND PARALLEL

Admiral Goodman : Earldom and purse of 1430 guineas. Vice Admiral Sandwich : Earldom, MiD, purse of 293 guineas. Brevet Rear Admiral Marlowe : Promotion to full Rear Admiral, MiD, purse of 1000 guineas. Rear Admiral Kerr, purse of 1430 guineas, invalided from service on half pay. His Aide, Lt Jackson, MiD and invalided from service on half pay.

HMS Ferocious : Captured “ Corsica ” 84 guns. Captain Brock : MiD (twice), a purse of 300 guineas, title of Viscount; Ship's Adjutant Lt . Dover : promotion to Master and Commander HMS Salisbury , purse of 150 guineas; Lieut Col (RM) Albytross : promotion to Colonel of the Royal Marines, purse of 500 guineas; Lt. Silver : promotion to Master and Commander HMS Sauve Qui Peut ; Midshipman Warwick – MiD and purse of 200 guineas; Private (RM) Parker : promotion Subaltern (RM).

HMS Fiddler's Green : Captured “Morgaine” 74 guns. Captain Miller : a baronetcy and a purse of 700 guineas; Ship's Adjutant Lt. Quilp : a purse of 1300 guineas; Brevet Major Brian Adams (RM) : promotion to full major despite his lack of SL; Lt. Vandervent : promotion Master and Commander HMS Enterprise ; Captain's Steward Snodgrass : promotion to Master's Mate; Loblolly boy Delaford (volunteer) : a purse of 900 guineas.

HMS Sheik Yassouf : Captured “Héloise” 74 guns. Brevet Rear Admiral Marlowe : made full Rear Admiral despite low SL, MiD, purse of 1000 guineas; Major (RM) Attenborough-Davies MiD (twice) and a purse of 1300 guineas.

HMS Waakzamheit : Captured “Fleur de Lyon” 90 guns. Captain Pipovitch : promotion to Post Captain HMS Sheik Yassouf , purse of 600 guineas.

HMS Glenmoranie : Captured “La Corse” 50 guns. Captain O'Malley : made Viscount, MiD, purse of 400 guineas; Lt. Fregate : MiD.

HMS Halcyon : Sank “La Patriote” 20 guns. Midshipman Tiberius Smith: purse of 250 guineas (to buy a new horse, his present one being plagued by bouts of dysentery); Midshipman Plunkett, a purse of 300 guineas; Master's Mate Kyle Trelane, MiD and a purse of 450g plunder; Master's Mate Sidney Blowhard: MiD and a purse of 350g plunder; Harry Sharp (pressed) : promotion to Master's Mate, MiD.

Excerpt from a letter by Lady Bracknell

“…and that frightful Grapples woman has been pining for young Templeton-Smythe all month. I had wondered why he had so suddenly volunteered for the front – was it patriotism, or maybe something to do with the morning sickness of a woman who is no better than she should be?”

A Sailors poem

Court martial

None

Duels

JD and PD, for both trying to court Betty in June, still outstanding !

BATTLE OF LAPIN COVE

BATTLE OF THE 42 ND PARALLEL

Britons! Patriots! Fellow Whigs!

Excerpt from a letter by Lady Bracknell

A Sailors poem

Court martial