The First Sea Lord didn't bother to conceal his anger as he addressed the young lieutenant standing to attention in front of his desk. “Mr. Smith, I have on my desk the outline of your “cunning” scheme, and a report from your captain. He calls you a High Flyer, but beware - this might well be a backhanded compliment. Others have been called that before. Remember Shakespeare “What peevish fool was he of Crete, who taught his son the office of a fowl …” (Henry VI, part III, act V). I'm an old man, Mr. Smith, and I have neither the time nor the patience to play at riddles, but if you carry on in this way, firing off requests for more men, and maps of half the French coast, and sundry other things (and I think you know what I mean) you'll be drowned despite your wings before you can say “Seins des Demoiselles”. I'll tell you why, and it has nothing to do with the French. This manoeuvre could never be carried out against the prevailing westerly wind and the incoming tide. So let's hear nothing more about Maiden's Breasts and other French follies. Instead, you will please tell me all you can remember of your meeting with the man who called himself Patrick Black”.

Lt. Smith felt like a schoolboy under the First Sea Lord's withering glance, but he gamely tried to cast his mind back to that day, when HMS Halcyon had been in Portsmouth to take new stores aboard and to effect a few minor repairs. He had been getting fed up with the constant cold callers who thought that just because HMS Halcyon had returned laden with the spoils of battle, the ship and its crew were now easy targets for any number of peddlers selling their wares, or overpriced decorations for the ship. He thought when he met this Mr Patrick Black that he was yet another human leech, out to fill his pockets at the ship's expense by selling gold leaf. Black had asked a lot of questions about when the fleet might be likely to sail, and Lt. Smith had personally warned the Irishman off the ship, after informing him in great (but not always accurate) detail where to put his gold leaf. He had thought at the time that Black was suspicious, but was distracted from pursuing the idea by the arrival of a Mr Westcott, who wished to join the Halcyon. He explained all this to the First Sea Lord.

The First Sea Lord had remained silent during the whole of Lt. Smith's narrative, but now he raised an eyebrow and remarked “Perhaps you should have acted on those suspicions.” He placed a drawing upon the table in front of Lieutenant Smith; “Was this the man calling himself Black?” “It was, Sir. That's the spitting image of him”.

“As I thought, it was “Black Paddy” Dubhspiriag, the notorious renegade United Irishman and footpad. It seems he has now turned spy for the French. I fear we have been betrayed.”

Several hundred miles to the West, Sir Ben Dover, newly appointed captain of HMS Belle Poule had come to pretty much the same conclusion. In his diary, he wrote:

“ The French must have had news of our mission and that could only have come from London. Still, they would not have been able to rush the ships into position had not ill winds delayed HMS Belle Poule for seven crucial days. The fishing vessel which we met off Land's end waiting for her must have been a plant, too. After two years, they have our measure, and they can predict what we will do in most situations. And their news, so very welcome at the time, that the French frigate L'Oriole of 44 guns and two larger ships, probably merchant blockade runners, had crossed their path going West not half a day earlier, was calculated to make us try to catch them. But the real cunning was in giving L'Oriole a much higher mainmast, in order to make it visible above the fog on the Newfoundland banks. It made her crank in stays, too (and she paid for it when Captain Walker decided to tack rather than wear ship during the attack, gaining enough time to put two full broadsides into her) but after she had summoned her companions it was all over bar the shouting - we simply didn't stand a chance. Not against two ships of the line, which was what those “merchant blockade runners” turned out to be – two bloody French cruisers, i.e. “Leopard” of 64 guns and “Picardie” of 50 guns. Captain Walker stuck to his guns most gallantly and managed to sink L'Oriole, although he paid a high price for it – he would be dead but for the French admiral's most civil loan of his own physician (a certain Dr. Maturin) and his permission to proceed to Halifax immediately. As it is, Captain Walker's life still hangs in the balance but even if he survives his naval days may be over – the Navy will not permit an invalid to walk the quarterdeck. All in all, HMS Belle Poule received a terrible mauling as the French concentrated their fire on her, with only an occasional broadside in our direction. This probably saved me from keeping Captain Walker company in hospital in a more permanent manner, (although I make a point of visiting him every other day). He seems to be in considerable pain which even Dr. Maturin's tincture of laudanum can't dispel and he hallucinates frequently, sometimes in French or Latin. Death seems to be a bony figure to him, with a scythe in one hand and an hourglass in the other, wearing a gaudy Jacobin cap with a tricolour rosette. I seem to recall some rumours casting doubt on his reputation as a fighting man, but this action will surely lay them to rest. In fact, if I could prevail on the Heraldic Offices to assign a motto to his family crest it would be “Death before Dishonour!”. And I must say that throughout the final attack on L'Oriole he was supported by the ship's officers and crew in the most satisfactory manner, which (among other things) earned Lt. Kirk and Private Scarlett RM presentation swords from the Patriotic Fund worth 300 guineas each. The only exception was midshipman Carthew, who is accused of cowardice and who will face court martial as soon as he arrives in London (he was placed aboard a post ship yesterday, all trussed up in irons). As for HMS Salisbury, I'm happy to say that although we didn't show anything like HMS Belle Poule dogged determination we did not disgrace ourselves either – and master's mate Herkness' promotion to midshipman was entirely deserved For my own promotion, well, it's an ill way to get a step by someones misfortune, but that is the way of the Service.”

Mr J Cornwall volunteered as a seaman and was appointed Captain's Steward, HMS Berwickshire .

Political correspondent? T has been made into a Political correspondent? I have no idea exactly what that is going to entail that but in my book it sounds rather like a promotion. There I was, happily enjoying my (somewhat) early retirement when an urchin arrived at my door with a request from the editor of The Gazette to come in for a meeting – something about T not being able to continue his duties as social events reporter. I was hoping that it was only going to be a bout of ill-health on his part and they needed someone to step into the breech at the last moment, but when I found out that it was because he had been moved on to other (and it would seem more elevated) duties, well… I could go on, but for the sake of brevity and the fact that we have a rather full social calendar this festive season I will simply get on with it (as the editor keeps telling me). But you mark my words – he hasn't heard the last of this.

Yes, dear reader, it is I, JC. Once more called back to my lofty perch here at The Gazette offices at Ludgate. It would seem that T took my stool with him when he moved into his new office so at the moment my perch finds me literally perched on a crate that up until recently held oranges, but other than that little has changed in the geography of our great capital in the two or so years that I have been away. Apart that is from the huge number of new faces that now grace our social scene, and I crave you indulgences if I get any of your names wrong – there is so much that I need to catch up on. Some of the old ones are still there though, I see, and it amazes me to see how far some of them have progressed: Brock now Post-Captain of the Ferocious, and Goodman an Earl? They'll be telling me next that O'Groats has been made Admiral!

I have two happy events to report upon to start my epistle this month and I will start with the aforementioned Admiral Earl Goodman – sources report that Whites was rather a scene of agitation for a short period with The Earl pacing up and down the carpet and fairly wearing a groove in it awaiting news from home where Countess Rosemary was in the process of bringing his heir into the world. Vice Admiral the Earl Sandwich and the good Lady Elizabeth were on hand at Whites with many a comforting word and the brandy on standby when a runner burst into the room with the happy news of the arrival of The Honourable Viscount Andrew Goodman. Congratulations were heaped upon the Earl and celebratory cigars were handed around to all present – I think that it was some time before the Earl was allowed out of the door to see his new son, whom I hear is doing well.

The second occasion of note was the wedding of Lieutenant the Honourable Richard Warwick and Miss Victoria Watson-Homes at The Dolphin. Being rather at a loss with all the new faces to come to terms with I spoke to the Toastmaster who very generously provided me with a list of those present:

Bounteous gifts were showered upon the happy couple from the multitude of the great and good that were there. Acting as best man, Viscount Brock (who is also the groom's commanding officer) gave a short but heartfelt speech praising the lieutenant for his prowess and confirming what the rest of the crew (and indeed most of the Navy) knew that he was a “great officer to have on board”. I could see the new Mrs Warwick fairly swelling with pride.

Elsewhere this week Captain Champion was to be seen accompanied by Miss Joan Fullins at the Opera where The Crown Prince was in attendance – apparently the Captain was able to gain a short audience with his highness.

Also the impending festive season has not blunted the edge of our fighting forces when it comes to doing their duty for King and Country with Rear Admiral Lord Marlowe, Captain Viscount O'Malley and Major Adams getting in practice with their respective fencing masters.

Putting their energies into other matters, Mr Delaford was seen at the door of Alice Wonderland where he was very warmly received - more than could be said for Mr Cornwall , who was rebuffed by Miss Sara Pati in no uncertain terms. In my previous time at The Gazette I remember reporting on a fairly regular basis the visitations of a certain Mr (as he was then) O'Groats to the various establishments that lie in the borough of Southwark – it would seem that as he is now a happily married man he has passed the baton, so to speak, to Mr McLean who seems to have decided to start December as he finished November. Also showing his face south of the river was Mr Drummond , who unfortunately was not lucky enough to return over London Bridge with the contents of his purse intact.

Other members of society emptying their wallets this week were Colonel Albytross (RM) and Rear Admiral the Earl Kerr who both bought themselves new residences - a villa and a fine house respectively. The Colonel (who I hear is now generally referred to in the barracks as “The Bird”) obviously looking for somewhere to hang his sword at the end of the day after such a long time at sea.

Moving on to week 2, the event to be seen at was “ Around the World in Eighty Songs” – a ball held at the Mansion of Major Baron and Baroness Attenborough-Davis. Again the Toastmaster was on hand to provide me with a copy of the guest list which I have the esteemed privilege of printing below:

Many of the guests that were present arrived in costume – Admiral the Earl Goodman (who arrived without the Countess Rosemary who was at home with the baby) was attired in clothes covered in the bass clef – much to the delight of the Baron and Baroness who, as ever, were the perfect hosts. Rear Admiral the Earl Kerr arrived with who at first sight appeared to be Britannia herself! But on closer inspection it was found to be Miss Merryweather. Sir Pavel and Lady Prudence Pipovitch arrived in the national dress of his home country, and as it was “Around the World in Eighty Songs” Sir Pavel promptly produced his accordion and regaled the assembled company with some folk songs. Not to be outdone Rear Admiral Kerr launched into a rendition of “Doodle let me go” – a very lusty shanty about shore leave in a port in the Americas . Maybe a touch bawdy for some of the ladies present but as the men were either sailors or marines of old the performance was received exceptionally well. It would seem that even though Lord Marlowe thought the song hilarious, Lady Marlowe was less that impressed, and having already castigated the Rear Admiral for the amount of garlic that he had already consumed with the various culinary treats on offer, promptly escorted him from the room.

Vice Admiral the Earl and Countess O'Groats were at the opera where they were pleased to be introduced to Princess Catherine. In fact my sources at the house say that The Earl (without his good lady!) was invited to the Royal loge next month! Also at the venue were Captain Champion accompanied by Miss Fullins and Mr King with Miss Williams. Unfortunately it would seem that they were unable to gain an audience with the Princess.

The fencing masters were once again busy this week with Captain Viscount Brock, Major Adams and Brevet Master and Commander Fregate in attendance, while the ships duty roster saw Midshipmen Dizzodly and Oates , and Messrs Delaford, Trelawny and Cornwall doing their duty rather than being able to partake of the social scene. It is this level of devotion to duty that makes the Royal Navy the envy of the world.

Once again the Southside of Old Father Thames was seeing its' fair share of business, with (once again) Mr McLean, Mr Drummond, Mr Parker and Mr Baker all enjoying their pre Christmas revels. Mr Macdonald also headed across the bridge but was rather unfortunate to take a wrong turn up Tooley Street on his way back north and run straight into a roving press gang! Mr MacDonald awoke with what he thought was a substantial hangover only to find that he was actually on board HMS Salisbury ! Hopefully the captain will go easy on him.

Elsewhere this week several gentlemen with romance on their minds (amongst other things) were like to chance their arm:

Captain Sir Huw Jorgens arrived at the abode of Miss Flora de Bries in a bid to win her affections, but was informed by the maid that the lady of the house had a liaison with Captain Brock at The Almanac. Moll Flanders found her doorstep positively besieged by the crew of HMS Halcyon when Brevet Lieutenant Trelane and Lieutenant Smith both arrived simultaneously. Words and cards were apparently exchanged. There were some successful blades, though, with Lieutenant Blowhard stepping out with Miss Harriet Hilfinger and Mr Westcott with the delightful Miss Anne Bonny.

Halfway through the month, and after a few years off the strain is starting to tell.

Captain Lord Miller and Miss Ophelia Goolies were at home as hosts to a traditional Christmas party. A few coins to the man in the red jacket revealed the following guest list:

As stated on the invitation there would be a prize for the most imaginative gift, and a servant standing near the reception line was displaying the beautifully ornate and perfectly balanced rapier that would be awarded to the victor. There were many wonderful gifts being distributed – A framed Gillray cartoon from Admiral Kerr (who arrived with Miss Merryweather both dressed in Tory colours), an elegant spyglass from Captain Champion , an astrolabe from Lieutenant Blowhard and a brass replica of a “Monkey” (that's a pyramid of cannonballs for those unfamiliar with the term) from Midshipman Dizzodly , to name but a few. The prize was awarded to Midshipman Dizzodly.

Duty roster for this week included Midshipmen Jackson , Templeton-Smythe and Sharpe , and Messrs Delaford, King and Trelawney . Fencing practice was attended by Rear Admiral Lord Marlowe, Majors Adams and Attenborough-Davis and Mr Westcott either at private schools or their regimental barracks.

Brisk business still being had south of the river With Major Cunning and Brevet Master and Commander Fregate who returned from their sojourns unscathed which was more than could be said for Messrs McLean and Drummond who both had their purses lifted.

As the title of this dispatch reads this was a month for new arrivals and the second of the month came to Vice Admiral O'Groats . “Grouchy” (as I now hear he has been titled) was on his way to the opera when Countess Diana broke the news that her time had arrived and as pleasant as the boxes at the opera house were it would not be the place to bring the next generation of the O'Groats line into the world. The coachman did a swift about-face and was soon back at the O'Groats house. Later that day the announcement was made of the birth of Betty. All members of the family are doing well and all here at The Gazette wish them the very best.

Elsewhere this month Miss Agnes Nutter was seen out walking with her new beau, Mr Cornwall .

Last hurrah of the month was to be held by Admiral the Earl and Countess Goodman who treated it would seem most of London society to a Grand Christmas Ball. Still attempting to come to terms with all the new faces that I need to learn I sought out my old friend the Toastmaster only to find him slumped in a chair being fanned by one of the serving girls and attempting to get his breath back after announcing all the arrivals. He rather breathlessly pointed to his pocket where I found the following list:

The Admiral had offered a stern warning as to what would happen to any guest who discussed politics on the premises, but unfortunately for Midshipman Oates he had either misread the invitation or simply didn't think that the host would live up to his threat – to his cost. A troupe of players had been drafted in from Covent Garden to replay the Christmas Nativity, with the proviso that, should it be necessary, one of the parts would be taken by any guest who fell foul of the house rules. To this end Midshipman Oates found himself playing the back end of a donkey and carrying the (not insubstantial) actress who was playing Mary “along the long road to Bethlehem ”. This elicited a mixed reaction from the assembled throng – some cheered the Midshipman for being a good sport and others thought him rather foolish for ignoring his hosts' instructions. Sir Pavel arrived as Santa Claus himself (with Lady Prudence striking as ever attired as an angel) and proceeded to distribute presents to all – drinks to the gentlemen and baked cookies to the ladies. A special gift was reserved for the host who revealed the contents of his stocking to be a lump of coal! Thankfully he took it in good spirits. Comments were also made by the ladies in attendance regarding the absence of one Mrs Betty Templeton-Smythe . Only married to the Midshipman last month she has not been seen accompanying him to any of the various social events on offer this month and several ‘tut-tuts' were heard as it was decided that she had missed a glittering affair.

Popular rumour was that the bill for the evening ran well into four figures and due to the wide range of social positions on show the Admiral could curry no favour with the higher echelons. It was generally accepted by all, however, that all was done in the true “Spirit of Christmas and Goodwill to all”, and the Goodmans are all the richer for it.

Last duty roster for the year found Messrs Cornwall and Delaford not wanting. And Lieutenant Smith , who was not down for duty that week, still returned to HMS Halcyon in order to check the refit and share some new year spirit with those who were aboard.

It would also seem that the spirit of the festive season was with the various ruffians that prowl the Southwark embankment as all those who decided to spend the new year with the delightful ladies of that London borough were able to return unhindered – well, Mr Drummond and Mr Baker returned. Mr McLean has not been seen north of the river for nearly 2 months now. Either he is having a whale of a time or he is being held hostage – as no ransom notes have been forthcoming we will assume that it is the former.

Any future sightings of Mr McLean will, of course, be reported in The Gazette .

Colonel Gallop's Political Editorial

First, let me introduce myself. I am Colonel Horace Gallop of the 17th Lancers and the Royal Society. I have been invited to produce a limited editorial for this fine paper about the goings on in the coming London Elections. So without further ado let's get on with it.

Westminster : Vice Admiral the Earl Sandwich nominated Admiral the Earl Goodman as Tory candidate: He is unopposed.

Islington : Rear Admiral Kerr nominated Mr Archibald Macdonald as Tory candidate. Captain Lord Miller nominated Captain Sir Huw Jorgens as Whig candidate. The Tories are believed to have 5 votes to call upon to the Whig's 7 votes.

Camden : Captain Sir Huw Jorgens nominated Captain Steel (RM) as Whig candidate. Lieutenant Sum Yun nominated Lieutenant the Honourable Richard Warwick as Tory candidate.

Hackney : Mr Trelawney, Midshipman Templeton-Smythe, Midshipman Jackson and Captain Steel (RM) all nominated Midshipman Oates as Whig candidate.

Major Cunning (RM) became a turncoat to the Whig cause, and nominated Sir Matthew Walker as the Radical candidate! ( Quite a surprise there).

Southwark : Lieutenant Smith and Mr Parker nominated Captain Lord Miller as Whig Candidate. Midshipman Sharp and Mr Baker both became turncoats in another suprise defection and have joined the Tory cause and nominated Major Lord Attenborough-Davies as Tory candidate. The Radicals hold 6 votes, while the Whigs and Tories hold 3 each.

Tower Hamlets Borough:
Sir Pavel Pipovitch nominated Captain Viscount Brock as Whig Candidate
Major Lord Attenborough-Davis nominated Vice Admiral Earl Kerr as Tory candidate.
It is estimated that there are 7 Whig votes to 5 Tory - a close run thing between two long-term rivals.

So that's who is standing, now what were the parties actually doing this month to secure votes and enhance their standing? Well being a good reporter I had the very hard task of attending various rallies where the drink flowed freely and managed to make some notes!

The first week of the month saw a Whig gathering at Buttons , hosted by Captain the Lord Miller and Miss Goolies. The following guests attended:

“ As my open letter in last month's Gazette suggests I am standing in the forthcoming elections on the policy of a safer navy. These so-called “Coffin Class” sloops must be phased out and better ships brought in their place to ensure not only the safety of England but also the safety of the officers and men who serve aboard them. Since September alone five Masters and Commanders have been killed whilst on active serve for his Britannic Majesty: Captain Silver of the HMS Sauve Qui Peut died in September 1793, Captain Vandervent of the HMS Enterprise died in October 1793, Captain Earbrass of the HMS Sauve Qui Peut died in October 1793, Captain Keene of the HMS Enterprise died in November 1793, and Captain Plunkett of the HMS Sauve Qui Peut died in November. These were good men, loyal servants of the crown and men recognised for their leadership qualities yet they all died, not because of their incompetence (Captain Plunkett was a hero who clung to life despite being mortally wounded until he had sent his enemy packing with his tail between his legs) but because the vessels upon which they sail are not of the quality that the finest navy in the world deserves. I have served aboard the Blockade Squadron – on the Salisbury – and know that while the men who sail there are brave and true the vessels upon which they serve, despite their fine service to King and Country, are old-fashioned and ready to be decommissioned in favour of better fighting ships. I hope, that what ever the result of this election, and my hope is for a Whig victory especially in Southwark, that the Ministers of the King's Parliament will act to enhance the fighting capabilities of the blockade squadron and work to ensure that more good men do not die needlessly"

Quite a strong speech there from the Lord, but not knowing anything about naval matters, I cannot understand why our ships are coffin shaped? I mean they can hardly sail well if the have no front end that is sharp can they?

There was also a short speech by that Tiberius Smith on his nomination of Captain Baron Miller :

"I look around me and see rising stars in the Royal Navy. Brave men, one and all. One man outshines us all with his brightness. His bravery is renowned throughout the fleet. I will not bore you with his tales of bravery, but let the press do it for me"

... With that Smith held up over a dozen newspaper reports above his head and let them fall one by one....

"We've all read them over the years, and we know what has not been reported. I believe that when Andrew becomes our MP for Southwark, we will be reading even more about his exploits. A toast lads, to our new MP, and to the King"

Not a bad nomination speech, but I am sure “other” naval heroes will also make much of this as The Good Baron is not the only man to grace the pages of the papers over the years with their heroics, however that is for them to take issue with.

One thing I did see was a certain Mr Baker , arriving at the club fresh from turning Tory, but being refused entry to the club, oh dear not a good start to ones new political credentials!

The second week was a tad quieter with a Debate at the Almanack club entitles “The Camden Debate” This was hosted by Captain the Viscount Brock and Miss de Bries. It was a mostly quiet affair although Captain Steel (RM) had a heated and lively debate with Lt Warwick , which resulted in cards being exchanged. Midshipman Templeton-Smythe and Midshipman Jackson also took part

Later I witnessed several Whigs trying to engage Lt Sum Yun in a political debate about Tory politics. However, while Lt Yun had nodded supportively throughout Lt Warwick's speech, when pressed he only discussed the weather and the price of tea in China ! ( That young officer will go far in politics mark my words should he stand for as an MP !)

There was a lot of discussion about Whig policy's, Midshipman Oates venturing the question, who should be our preferred trading partner, Spain or the German States ? Brevet Lt Trelane debated radical politics to a bemused audience, and a very heated debate took place between the turncoat Tory, Mr Baker and Midshipman Oatesand Captain Steel . I look forward to reading the result in the supplement!

Lastly it was reported to me by the door keepers at the Pit that a certain Major Cunning turned up a month late looking for Mr Jackson's party, he apparently want to discuss radical politics at it!

So that was the months' political activity in a nutshell. Some causes for honour to be satisfied, some turning to a new party and some even going to the wrong party!

My take on all this? Well so far it seems quite even although a lot of people have taken to government bashing as it is an easy target, some also quote the headlines and espouse that their candidate is the only hero in the country. While others seem to say nothing! The coming elections will tell how the people feel and no amount of chest thumping will make them change their minds. I am sure that certain “high ups” will have made a note of some of the speeches and stored them way for future reference, for when the dust has settled I am sure there may just bethe odd score to settle and maybe the odd promotion blocked, for politics is even more dangerous than a battlefield or the open quarter deck in a naval engagement!

Knot of the Month

Fig.1 A HAWSWER-LAID ROPE. Is composed of three Strands, each containing an equal Quantity of Yarns, and is laid right-handed, or what is termed with the sun.

Fig.2 A SHROUD-LAID ROPE.Consists of four Strands of an equal Number of Yarns, and is also laid with the sun.

Fig. 3 A CABLE-LAID ROPE. Is divided into nine Strands of an equal Number of Yarns: these nine Strands being again laid into three , by twisting three of the small Strands into one. It is laid left-handed or against the sun

Captain Sir Pavel Pipovitch applies to become Aide to the First Sea Lord

Captain Sir Pavel Pipovitch applies to become Commodore

Rear Admiral Kerr applies to become Quartermaster of the Fleet

Rear Admiral Earl Kerr applies to become Port Admiral , Portsmouth

Court martial!

Midshipman Carthew, for cowardice in the face of the enemy.

Duels

Midshipman James T Kirk and brevet Master and Commander Jervis Fregate, for both courting Gwendolyn Hotspur in September (outstanding cause as Mr Kirk is still at sea)

First Lieutenant Smith and Second Lieutenant Kyle, both of HMS Halcyon, have mutual cause for courting Moll Flanders in Week 2

Midshipman Oates and Mr Warren Strudel Baker have mutual cause due to political debate at Redcoats in Week 3. Captain Steel (RM) and Mr Baker also have cause for the same reason, but Mr Baker only needs to duel one of them for honour to be satisfied.

Admiral Earl Goodman has cause against Midshipman Oates for disrupting the Christmas Ball through talking politics.

Merry Christmas One and All!

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