turn5

The war had been long and bloody, but in early March the joint Austro-Prussian army was moving towards Strasbourg and the British had landed near Bordeaux, marching towards the Loire. The French had just lost two of their best generals (suspected of royalist tendencies) and with nobody at the helm the ship of state drifted towards inevitable chaos. The Vendée erupted once more into open rebellion. The Comitée Revolutionaire sued for peace and the Treaty of Toulouse was finally signed on March 24th, 1791. The French had to give up most of their dominions abroad and, more important, return all the ships they had ”liberated” from the British Navy over the years (invariably reported as ”destroyed, presumed sunk” by the naval authorities). The day those ships were announced sailing up the river towards the Pool of London King Albert ordered a Te Deum in Westminster, with the Archbishop of Canterbury delivering the principal sermon based on the words Edward III. had uttered on the battlefield at Agincourt ”... not to us, but to thy arm alone, ascribe we all”.

That very day, a joint communique by our continental allies announced that their governments would impose an additional tax on British goods in order to ”... protect the frail flower of continental industrialisation against the depredating influence of British trade!”. Upon hearing this news, King Albert went white with anger and told Sir Havelock in no uncertain words to take steps. Parliament reconvened immediately in the middle of summer recess. And at the Admiralty the clerks put in unpaid overtime to write the orders that would send a blockading squadron to every Dutch, Danish and Austrian port within the month!

One of the first ships to receive these orders was HMS Mars. Lieutenant Goodman had just returned from a visit to the Admiralty (where a much-harrassed clerk had rubber-stamped AG’s application for ship’s adjutant), only to find a draft of two score hands loitering along the gunwale - and among them a well-known figure whereever sailors gather – PDA, in his youth known as the terror of the Bringley-on-Cotswold mill pond! That worthy had first applied to join HMS Swiftsure, but Guy Sandolls had seen him making a beeline for the gangway and had immediately slid down the mainstay and hurried to the captain’s cabin. Brought there, Puissee had duly been informed that, alas, the Swiftsure had already her quota filled and dare not take supernumeraries. However, her captain gave him a letter for HMS Mars which was to sail on the noon tide. And so she did, bound for Zeebrugge, and a happy d’Assinute with her. Thre days later the Mars fell in with a Dutch coastal trader and carried her before her captain was fully aware of the danger – and certainly before he had had time to destroy his sedret papers! A prize crew with AG in command was put aboard and the ship reached London safely. Their Lordships were mightily pleased and not only payed AG 300 Guineas but marked him down as a promising young man (NA +1). They also allowed AG’s brevet rank to become permanent. PDA was less lucky, having been off-watch (and fast asleep) during the time the Dutch ship was captured, but won 150 Guineas off his messmates by betting that AG would be in such a hurry that he would rather forego his grog ration than delay sailing until two bells (mid-watch).

Fernando Feeghoot was reading the small advertisements in the Racing Chronicler while waiting for his officers to join him for the regulatory captain’s dinner. Being required by his rank to keep a horse but no riding man himself, FF wrote a brief note to his agent to take care of the matter and handed it to a street urchin. The boy had just gained the next street corner when an Admiralty messenger brought appeared, with orders for HMS Surprise to sail for Copenhagen at once. Two days in the Channel the weather turned extremely nasty, ice-cold blasts of wind from NE and heavy rain. Still, FF decided to press on, but on the 11th they had to throw all their guns overboard in order to try and escape the iceberg bearing straight down upon them by a run right across the Lesser Frisian Reef . They made it, too, but without the reckless bravery shown by JWK (who had himself tied to the spritsail stay in order to spot reefs ahead and didn’t leave his post for twenty-seven hours) it wouldn’t have worked. Just when HMS Surprise was crossing the inner bar a Danish customs ship spotted them and fired a warning gun! FF immediately turned round and HMS Surprise scurried back to London in record time. Their Lordships were not too happy about it all, but since FF had spared them the necessity of a court martial by saving his ship he was duly gazetted and promoted to command HMS Belle Poule (perhaps their Lordships thought that with more guns available FF might do better next time). Poor FF – grounded in London (unless he volunteers HMS Belle Poule) and obliged to buy two more horses as well! Both JWK and X014 (who had fetched him mugs of hot chicken broth every two bells) were marked down as a promising young men by the Admiralty (NA+1) and JWK was promoted to Master’s mate as well.

A little later HMS Droit de L’Homme set sail for The Hague. Johnny Albytros spent most of the voyage on her gundeck, checking her 36lb cannon balls for rusty patches. His zeal earned JA a recommendation as a young man to watch (NA+1), but lost him the friendship of Jack Sandwich, who wrote a strong letter to his MP (who had also sponsored his application as a member of the Singapore Sling club at the beginning of the month), complaining of the terrible noise! His letter was duly printed in The Times’ sunday supplement and made such a noise (pardon the pun) thzat the Admiralty awarded JS the rank of Master & Commander and put him in charge of HMS Swordfish! Some people have all the luck, it seems!

Last to sail was HMS Sauve Qui Peut. JT was on board, and kept helpful suggestionsat the front. JT made it better than his superior officer (NA+1!). JT survived. JT was not mentioned, not promoted and got no plunder.

Issue 2 by J.C.
Wining, dining and Wayne Kin-Madley.

I would just like to point out to those Gentlemen of the City who are currently seeing a society lady or have the intention of seeing one in the near future that more is going to be expected of you from now on.
”What?” I hear you cry (even from my lofty perch here at the Gazette offices in Ludgate). ”Is not our company and attention enough in itself?” Once upon a time maybe, but this month it would seem that a precedent has been set that the Belles of London will almost certainly insist upon from this day forward.
Allow me to explain. That dashing new trend-setter, Wayne Kin-Madley, has really excelled himself this month. Not only did he arrange for a coach to whisk his Lady away for a romantic evening at his club, but he had already made advance preparations at said club for the finest wines and most exquisite food that money could buy and even for a troupe of minstrels to serenade their evening together. Emma must be quite literally over the moon.
But I tell you – gossip spreads fast in this City, and I feel that anything less impressive than this may very well be frowned upon. As a matter of fact Wayne is going to have to work hard in future to keep this standard up. What is considered special today will be the norm for tomorrow.
Clubs in general seem to be doing good business this month with several new members filling in their applications. John Doe and Tyler Brock were seen at The Pit and Lloyds respectively, but most remarkable of all the name Jack Sandwich seems to have appeared on the members list of The Singapore Sling whilst he was actually at sea!

Why bother to apply in person when you can get your man to do it for you – style indeed!
Mind you, the clubs are not the only establishments that have been popular this month – the charms of the ladies who can be found south of the river have been visited by their now regular customer John O’Groats, who must have recommended it to John Doe, as he was also spotted by my little circle of spies. It would seem however that John O had a slightly better time of it than John D, as the latter was pounced upon by a gang of cut-purses just as he was leaving the establishment. Fortunately for him he had already spent all his money and they were forced to leave empty-handed.

As we are on the subject of John Doe it does my heart good, Dear Reader, to discover that a lowly public servant such as myself can suggest ideas to the gentlemen of the City and discover later that they have taken them to heart. As you may recall last month we reported how John Doe had bought himself a horse, well we contacted John to find out how he was getting on…

”It has got to be easy after all” he said. ”I mean lots of people do it. As kindly mentioned in the Gazette I will face the end that has the ears, but I discovered that it is also the end that bites. A friend has advised me that the fastest way to a horses’ heart is through its stomach – confusing as RM training specifically teaches that the fastest way to a heart is through the rib cage. Probably best to ignore this advice for the time being – I can’t afford a new horse”.
Any further developments will, of course, be reported in The Gazzette

Aloha Mates!
To celebrate that we are still alive, still ashore and still in
the presence of beautiful ladies, I invite all who like a drink
to Lloyds Club. Rounds will be on me, although I won't mind
somebody throwing some guinees in.
I'll be in the club all month, so just stop by...
Tyler Brock

TB announced to apply the DH or FE.
If successful, TB announced also to apply for Purser or Gunner or Carpenter or Sailmaster.